I knew there was a reason why I kept doing what I did. He finally said something to me two days ago after months of ignoring me. Yesterday it was so awful I was soooo angry at him with the way he was trying to get smart with me when he knew what he was saying wasn’t true at all. All he had to do was give us the proper remembrance and I could have moved on peacefully. The more he denied what we had the more angry I got.
He knew he messed up ignoring me when things were good despite the 600 miles in between, and not telling me what was going on. That’s one of the good things I like about him, that in a way, he sort of owns up to his faults, but when he denies us, I get angry. He knew it was so much more than what he’s saying. I told him if it was as little as he said what was between us, does he really think I’d be this upset in not talking anymore? No, I wouldn’t. I told him what about the time I wrote about the first day we “met” on Omegle.com and he came back to me for a few days because of short story? Then he drifted once more and we are where we’re at now. Did he forget about that week again? I asked him how he could forget about us like that while I can never forget.
Whenever I couldn’t sleep at night, I would send him twenty messages for 1 or 2 hours straight. At first, it really wasn’t drama texts. It was soothing words trying to get him to not give up because of the distance and I think he let me send those to help me try to get over him. I thought that maybe if I sent him every last thought, it might help me to get over him but it didn’t. It just made me miss him more. I kept texting him little passages in my book coming out about us and I know it made him cry even if he won’t admit it. He knows how I’m a good writer. He’s said so himself I am before to him, so he knows I have a way with words.
What got him to speak to me was when I said, “So you’d rather talk to some hoes who you don’t love that don’t love you than talk to me who loves you unconditionally, just because they’re nearby you’d rather talk to them?”
He replies how he doesn’t know what fantasy world I’m living in and that he wants nothing to do with me, that it’s never going to work out; he can’t just up and leave to be with me. I told him I wanted us to be real that I didn’t want to live in a fantasy world about us anymore. I chewed him out again saying what a liar he is. I dared him to say he wants nothing to do with me to my face. No, he’d be all over me in person wanting me. I said the day he denies me to my face in person is the day I believe him. The distance is turning him into a demon and all I want to do is to see him in person and I know neither of us would act this way.
I then said, “I’m looking for someone responsible to have a loving stable family with some day. I thought you were that person. Is that so wrong of me to think that about you? Is that so wrong of me to want that with you?” I knew that got him to feel bad because he never texted something smart back to me again. In fact, he never texted me back at all.
So I called him and left him a voice mail saying, “This isn’t just about you. It’s about our future not-conceived children, too trying to give them a good home. Why is it that you don’t want a good life for your, well our children?” I said because that’s what he’s denying when he denies, “us.” I told him how most of his generation these days play around too much (flirt with guys who are talking to their best friends) and are irresponsible. He knows that’s true. Even girls his generation are always ragging on other girls around his age or younger.
When he told me a few things about himself when we first started talking, he said some things to me for me to think he’d provide a loving stable family environment and would never dream to cheat on me. In fact, I wouldn’t have to worry about him cheating on me at all and that’s what I want: to be with someone and not have to think he’s cheating on me cross my mind ever. Since he’s never experienced me in person, he doesn’t know my full capabilities. But because he’s caving in to girls nearby him just because they’re nearby while he hasn’t met me in person, it’s different with thinking about “cheating.”
I asked him, “Do you really think I want to purposely think about someone who doesn’t appear to be thinking about me? I don’t want to waste my thoughts on someone who is not thinking about me. I want to think about someone who is thinking about ME, but my heart and soul won’t let me forget you when my brain wants you out of my system.”
I said to him, “Do you know how many guys want to be you to talk to me? Do you know how many guys want to have their way with me I turn them down? You have me and you want the distance to win. You know what? ” I didn’t hold back.
“If any of your friends found out about us, they’d think you’re the crazy one for passing up a dedicated, loyal girl like me, with great morals, and looks, just because of a few hundred miles and financial issues. And you would disappoint your father as well,”
I kept going, “But if you want to be with a duck-faced bitch who wears too much make up who flirts with all your friends, maybe that’s what you deserve since you want easy and nearby. You don’t like when things get hard and difficult.”
I said, “This is what’s going to happen to your future without me: you could either work on trying to have a good life with me, or be miserable bouncing from girl to girl like you’re doing right now trying to find that spark with someone else which you’re never going to find with anyone else.”
He really hasn’t been stable, either since he’s tried to forget about me bouncing from girl to girl and I laugh if he thinks he’ll provide a stable family environment with someone else.
He never said anything to me again.
And I said, “After you’re done being a whore, you’d better do some serious groveling because we’re stuck with a long distance for now whether you like it or not and doing what you’re doing isn’t making it any easier for us.”