Last night I couldn’t find anyone to take me back when I needed a ride. I wasn’t about to wait for my household for lord knows when they would be back I needed to get back. I didn’t feel like going through my phone for a whole bunch of people to say, “No,” they’re in bed or don’t feel like getting up, etc.
My roommates were watching the Bulls game and had gotten a little “tipsy” and couldn’t drive. “Tipsy” is an understatement. I don’t fault them, I wouldn’t want my roomie to get me in that state. I fault the fact that I can’t count on many others besides my roomie so I don’t have a back up plan besides walking 2.5 hours in the pitch black of night with minimal street lamps lit. Not wasting money for a cab, didn’t have cash on me anyway. I’m not going to ask my friend from work because she’s feeling ill as well, has two little kids, and we had to call off today because she’s that sick. We’re not working our normal project hours so I don’t mind missing one day when we weren’t supposed to be working anyway until our project is up and running again. They just gave us extra work to do until we go back to our regular hours.
When I had a car people would always ask me for rides and I was always there; it amazes me (and not in a good way) how “many” people will be there for me. By the time I get onto the main long road, it is 11:30 P.M. I don’t normally hitch rides, being pissed off at a situation, I took my chances of getting kidnapped because I was in no mood to walk 2.5 hours I wanted to get back. Knowing my luck, or lack thereof, this was going to be my last day I was seen/heard from by everyone who knew me. Once I got onto the main road, I looked straight ahead at me and groaned at how long it was going to take. It’s only one road, but a LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG one. With a mad scowl on my face, I start walking fast.
Several cars had passed by me and I was wondering when the day would come when a complete stranger would actually offer me a ride. They see this ambitious woman walking this long road and are just going to pass her in the dark of the night? What if this was someone they cared about? I guess my inner karate self scares people to not want to ask me if I need a ride, I suppose. I’m only a white belt, I promise. There’s nothing scary about that. Common decency to at least ask and finally it happened. I don’t mind during the day to walk, but at night?!
A male’s voice beside me finally says, “Need a ride?”
I willingly accepted. We drove down that long road and he exclaimed, “You were going to walk ALL this way?”
“Yep, I’ve done it before, but not 10:30 at night,” I laugh.
It turns out he is my age and I was like wow, I don’t know anyone my age still around here they’re always younger than me and he agreed. He wasn’t malicious at all. In fact, we know some of the same people and even went to the same damn preschool yet I’ve never met him in my entire life even though he used to swim at the neighborhood pool I swam at, too. I said if he still had the roster from way back when my name would probably be on it, LOL. I was walking from a safe neighborhood so I just assumed a person who would ask me if I needed a ride wouldn’t be so dangerous after all.
All these nice guys are finally popping into my life a little too late. I would describe this gentleman as one you could bring home to introduce to everyone. If he had met me before I met Travis, I probably would have started talking to him more, but I made a promise I intend to keep. Even though Travis didn’t make me make this promise, I’m making it for myself and for him. I shouldn’t talk to someone new just because someone is fifteen minutes away from me and I can’t see Travis any time soon since he’s eight freaking hours away.
Usually, when you can’t get what you want from the main person you can’t see, that’s how “cheating” occurs. Although Travis and I aren’t exactly together, I just feel like we are anyway. If we were to able see each other more often than not we would have been together.
I don’t mind hanging out with my new friend as just friends but I kind of got the feeling he was interested in getting to know me as more. While we were nearing my apartment, my new friend Mike asked me if I wanted to go to one of the 24 hour restaurants nearby. I said, “Sure!”
We sat at Nick’s Patio and talked about life. I like guys who can keep up with having a conversation with me (not very many I have met can). I’m so mad at life because he seems like someone who wouldn’t flake out on me a week later but I’m invested in Travis. Mike is finally someone around MY age for once not younger or older. I joked to him I only talked to one person my age once and that was the most annoying douche bag ever.
Mike laughed at that story. I said how the hell is that straight up ugly guy going to act like he can try to use me for sex when he isn’t that good looking in the first place to be acting like that? I never did anything with the guy at all. I will never understand why people who are less than average looking act so egotistical. I don’t act like that and I’m considered, “beautiful” by the majority.
Curse the stars in every which way: curse them I can’t be with Travis, and curse the stars I don’t want anyone else.
Sooner or later I felt like he was going to ask if I have a boyfriend and I hate that question whenever people ask me so I bring up in casual conversation if either of us are seeing anyone. I’m slick like that without being so blunt.
“What’s the youngest person you’ve ever tried to talk to/tried to date?” I’m interested in knowing.
“The last girl I was trying to date was 19,” keep in mind he’s my age, 28.
I’m like, “No, way, same for me with a guy! It’s common, though for guys to date younger girls, not so much women dating younger guys, especially that young. My friends joke about me being a cougar. It’s all in good fun so I’m not offended by it. My 19-year-old is the absolute sweetest guy. If it’s less than ten years apart it isn’t so bad to me.”
I then said, “I don’t know if this thing is going to work out anyway since it’s long distance. He’s probably talking to other girls in his class because he can’t see me. I’m not stupid. I was a 19-year-old girl, once and I know how college girls are if they aren’t 19, too.” I totally want to cry because Travis and I could have been something beautiful if we were given the chance.
Mike and I had a nice chat over some chocolate cake and cheesecake. It was pleasant. I said I don’t hang out with anyone besides my roommates and co-worker and am always looking for new friends to hang out with. I’m not going to give Mike the opportunity to hang out with me alone and I’m glad he didn’t suggest anything otherwise. Simply dropped me off and I thanked him for the ride. I said if my roommates and I are going to the bars this weekend Mike can come along if he wants to join the group. My roommates need new friends, too other than hanging out with me.
Now when I’m by myself I think, I want Travis to be happy to hang out with someone he can see and touch, and if he comes back to me in the future, I hope we’ll work out, then. I guess now is not the time for us to be together. I will not talk to any other guy though as more, but I know how college people are so I understand if Travis has found someone else (and I metaphorically die inside a little as I type this.)