My One

Browsing on Facebook, I just saw the last of the high school sluts get married. They must always be looking for a relationship to be in once one ends as to how all of them are married after their promiscuous past. I don’t purposely actively look. It happened when it did. People often ask me why I was on my own for three years or more. I liked my me time because I was tired of the drama people brought trying to get to know someone. And then I met my one.

Looking at pictures of people in wedding gowns makes me wonder when/if I will ever get married.  I want to look so beautiful for him.  I have a feeling I will to the man of my dreams. Our “relationship” is just slower than normal and being long distance isn’t helping anything. I have to have patience. I keep sending him motivational messages if he works this out. I’m sitting here wondering when we will even meet once and I’m already thinking wedding bells. When you just know, you know. I’m not looking to get married tomorrow, but I’m trying to start something steady so we can actually get there, yeesh!

Some of the people that got married were only dating for a whole one to three months. They weren’t together for years. I’ve seen someone be in a relationship for seven years and he still hasn’t asked her to marry him yet. If I’m with someone for seven years and not engaged yet that’s a huge red flag like what the heck am I doing with someone for seven years and/or more! That’s more than enough time to save up for a big wedding: seven years and not engaged?!

P.S.  I don’t like the new WordPress Tags/Categories column.  Why the heck did they change it?!  It was fine before.

An Unexpected Kind Gesture

Whenever I write my statuses on my Facebook, I don’t even know if people are reading it or comprehending anything I say.  I know some of the so-called “friends” I used to have on my list obviously didn’t comprehend my message that I only keep friends on my list and if they aren’t a friend then delete me. Some people recently deleted me even though they have seen my messages about friends on there since a long time ago.  I know my crush and I don’t have each other on there but it’s okay for now.  I know we still mean something to each other even if we don’t have each other on Facebook or Twitter.

I often wonder why the people I don’t really keep in touch with didn’t delete me the first time I said to delete me if you’re not a friend, they just now did. It is a real pet peeve of mine when my friend count goes down especially when I don’t add too many people on Facebook in the first place.  I know my close friends on there read my statuses, but I don’t know about the people I rarely talk to on there if they read it or if they just skim past it and think nothing of it.  Today I got a very surprising message from a high school friend of mine I didn’t know who still used Facebook.  The last time he made a post was in July.  We were never really close friends, but I think we are friends enough to each other to say I could call him a friend and not an acquaintance.  He lives in Florida now I think it said.

I know some people probably deleted me because the stuff I write is too depressing but last time I checked I thought it was my page and I could write whatever I want.  And if they can’t handle those posts, I hope they don’t show back up to add me when I have happy things to say.  Sure beats keeping it to myself and letting everything explode inside for ten years without saying anything at all and then doing something I would probably regret so I don’t do it.  I did used to keep everything to myself and this is how I turned out now: pissed off that I didn’t say something sooner at the time.

Anyway his message really surprised me but I think I needed it.  He said he knows we don’t really talk much but asked me why are my statuses always so depressing and that he is sorry for whatever is going on and he asked if I had talked to a counselor about it.  I told him I really appreciated the thoughts and unexpected message, but that I did see a counselor once and they didn’t work so now I turn to writing stories which really helps me.

When I failed out of one of the top colleges I went to, I went to see a counselor then.  It didn’t do much for me I still had to face the traumatic event on my own.  I still ended up graduating but from a community college.  It was a blow to me going from one of the top prestigious colleges to graduating with a general degree in a community college.  I got over it by thinking I could have not gotten a college degree at all but I can still say after 6 years I still got a degree and didn’t quit and that’s how I faced the fact that I didn’t get a prestigious degree.  Having any college degree is better than having none at all and my education money didn’t go to waste I did get something out of it even if it was a general studies degree.

As for dealing with difficult and unapologetic people, that’s a different story.  I told him how I’m so sick of people causing unnecessary trouble in my life that I really don’t need on top of my own things that I already have.  I’m talking about the pointless “he said she said” drama that I don’t need.  If it’s something meaningful that’s stressful, I’m okay with sucking it up and dealing with it.  If it’s something I don’t need that I have an issue with.  Not sure what makes people think they can mess with me and I be okay with it.  That’s what I really don’t understand.  And to top it off, they aren’t apologetic.  I know what my problem is.  It’s not really depression it’s how to handle better when people feel the need to prod and provoke me.  I don’t really need a paid therapist to tell me that.  Plus, it’s so much more relieving writing every single thing out into a story that other people can relate to as well.

Finding my Social Circle

People often wonder why I don’t have many friends.  It’s not because there’s “something wrong with me.”  It’s because I used to be a people person but then people and their lies/unfaithfulness happened.  People didn’t want to get to know a person.  I had a discussion about this with some others a long time ago who have experienced what I went through how they say they try to make friends but people won’t get to know them.

Today a friend asked me in person who isn’t much of a computer person, “Why do you do that Internet dating/friendship thing?”

I say, “Because people in person think they know someone in five seconds and don’t talk to people anymore or they think they know people through gossip.”  Granted, if someone is being a douche to you in the first five seconds they meet you, you could probably tell a lot about their character anyway.  When someone is being nice trying to get to know you and you still don’t get to know, that’s not that person’s fault.  I’m not afraid to approach someone, not afraid to ask a guy out on a date, not afraid to start a friendship. Not afraid to befriend my neighbors.  What I’m afraid of is are people showing their true colors or putting on a front!  There’s nothing wrong with dating/making friends on the Internet, as long as they intend to meet someone in person and/or keep in touch.  I would find it weird if someone’s friends were only online.

I know what they mean.  Hey, it’s really people’s losses because for the ones that did take the time to get to know me and are on my good side, they only have good things to say.

I don’t want to get told all the time that not too many people think like me.  That’s a bad thing, then!  While they do compliment my good conscience they should say more people think like me!  It’s rather sad we live in a world where we constantly have to watch our backs, waiting for a person to turn on you when they’re supposed to be your friend.  I have switched social circles quite a few times until I finally found my group!  I still kept some friends from back in the day who know what it means to be a good friend, but not very many.  It really shouldn’t be like that.  You know what’s sad?  If I ever have a wedding how many people are going to attend that has known me since I was a tot?  Maybe one or two people.

It’s not because people’s interests have changed.  I’ve seen many people say very few people know what it means to be a real friend nowadays anymore and this is entirely true.  There are hardly any “Ride or Die” friends since childhood anymore.  I see people on Facebook often putting quotes up saying, “It’s hard to tell who your enemies are when they’re also your friends” and things like that.

I don’t want to have the mindset that I should keep my circle small.  I want to be able to talk with people who are on the same page as me and not have to worry about them flaking out on me.  Everybody’s got their own lives to live doesn’t mean people have to be a bitch about being busy and not making time for people who are their friends because when they need someone to turn to in the end, people might not be there!

For my readers who are here for my writings, I do appreciate that very much!  Hopefully, for the nosy haters who have been lurking my page, they have found something better to do since they’re obviously not here for my insightful posts and they don’t comprehend my messages.  You say you want someone to stop posting at your stupid forum, why do you keep checking up on someone?  People are weird!  Any “lawyer” who believes these freak shows are being bothered when they are going to someone’s page who couldn’t care less about them is a chump.

All or Nothing

Sitting here thinking with the afternoon off, I am laughing at a conversation I had a long time ago with a friend who first visited my blog.  This is someone from real life who knows me.

Friend says, “I noticed you used to make ten posts a day then you wouldn’t post at all for a long time.”

Me, “That’s how I roll.  I post excessively or none at all.  I tweet and status update excessively or none at all.  I love obsessively or not at all.  I hate obsessively or I don’t give a damn at all.  There’s rarely something in between with me.”

“You should try to do things in moderation,” my friend jokes.

Sometimes my excessive behavior can be a good thing when I sit down a concentrate on a writing project writing obsessively to get things done.

Well…I don’t know about moderation.  I can try.

In other news, I think some people are very weird.  They’d be trying to have a mid conversation with me on Facebook inbox then delete me, wtf?  This wasn’t someone I know in person any way or have ever hung out with.  He just added me out of nowhere.  I had a few conversations with him, then he deletes me.

I don’t know. I get annoyed when people remove me on Facebook because I only add people I actually want to talk to or keep in touch with on there for the most part.  I have less than 160 friends and I have a business page there for my writings.  Luckily, the ones who did removed me were just one or two people I am not really close with anyway that I didn’t delete for some reason earlier.

Sometimes I find out who removes me by looking closely.  Whenever my count goes down I always have to figure out who it is, now I’m just like well it wasn’t anyone I still want to talk to anyway so it’s okay.  Someone deleted me and another person deactivated their account.

Don’t tell me how I know these things…Lol!  I think I have ADHD if anything at all.

Birthday Sunday, Lovin’ it!

I wish I could see my dog on my birthday, but because I don’t have a car, I can’t drive.  I thought about walking three hours for my dog because I could use the exercise and I do have nothing better to do but I’m not up for it in this below zero weather.  Other than that, I loved getting all my birthday messages from my friends and everybody.  No fake ones.  I’m not the type on Facebook to add people who aren’t really my friends.  All the people I have on Facebook are mostly ones I talk to and not ones I just talk to once a year.

I thought I was only going to get five messages for the whole day but wow, a lot of people surprised me.  I appreciated that.  Aside from not being able to see my dog, today is a good day.  That’s all I wanted was a good day.  It would have been better if I could see her, but as soon as I get a hold of a car I’m going to see her.

Facebook Widget Now Activated

For the longest time I’ve been trying to figure out how the Facebook Widget works, Lol, wow, don’t know how I didn’t figure this out sooner it was so easy.  Finally got it set up on both of my blogs.  This time I’m going to really start updating my Facebook page so hopefully I will get more likes.  I wish I knew how to promote my writings.  I didn’t want to join Facebook for my writings because I knew I wouldn’t get much traffic on there, but oh well.  I’m bored.


Using Real Brand Names, Movie Titles/Characters, etc.

I’ve been Googling for hours on what are the rules of using real Brand Names, Movie Titles/Characters, etc. because I know how conniving people can be in trying to take a small situation and turn it big so I’m trying to avoid all of that.  This reminds me of the show Degrassi where they use a Facebook type thing and call it FaceRange.  To avoid all that I just use generic names and describe settings.  I think I can get by it with my story since my story focuses more on how the characters think and not what brand names and materialistic things they are into.  However, I recall in Anna Faris, “What’s Your Number?” movie I saw her search for her exes on Facebook, the real thing! So I have no clue.

I want to mention the movie Clerks II and I have mentioned one of my fictional characters based off of a real person, but as another example of what I have already written, I change traits to say she resembles the young Rose character in Titanic without mentioning Kate Winslet.  If I mention Clerks, I’m going to say, so and so reminded the narrator of this character in Clerks to describe how a character looks.  I would think they’d view that as good publicity.

I wasn’t saying anything bad about the movies.

A Good Time.

When new guy and I hung out the first day we met, I gotta say we did have some hilarious conversations.

I had my laptop on my lap while we were talking sitting on the couch next to each other.  There was something about him that I wanted to rest my head on his lap.

I didn’t know how he would react to that since we had just met so I didn’t.  He did tell me I have some small feet and he held up his big foot to my smaller foot kinda like when people hold their hands up to each other comparing.

Anyway, he wanted to know what some guys from POF looked like who contacted me.

I showed him that white 37-year-old guy with the corn rolls of a hair-do and tattoos all over himself.  Pretty much a true ratchet redneck.  He was a like oh, he’d hit that, lol.

He saw this other guy send me a message on POF and called him a doofus looking dude.  Man that had me rolling.

Here’s “doofus:”

I’m not going to reply to doofus’ message.  It was very depressing to read.

Well I asked new guy of course what kind of women messaged him.  I have friends who are bigger women, but he is just talking in his mannerisms when he calls them “fat chicks.”  He told me that all that’s ever messaged him online are these ugly fat heifers.  I’m like, really?!  That’s shocking.  Then again, I could see that.  I’m in the same boat with the old grandpa perverts trying to get some from a young girl and the psycho younger guys and the ratchet looking dudes.  I told him he looks attractive enough where he could land himself a nice looking girl **cough**me**cough**

He is not scoring any brownie points with me and hasn’t replied yet about the date thing.  When he hasn’t replied, I didn’t send him anything else and am waiting for him giving him time.  I’m probably the best looking girl from our area he’s met from POF from what it sounds like, you’d think he’d try to be all over me, right?  Then again, I made it clear on my profile how I don’t like guys getting with me right away and I get the feeling that he’s trying to go by my word.  He did an embarrassing thing at the end of the night.  When he got out of his car to get me his jacket, he slid onto the ground and got his shorts all wet.  Ah, I felt bad.  I hope he doesn’t want to avoid me because of that.

When I showed my roommates and friends his picture they all said he looks like a pimp, a hunk, and he’s hot, lol.  If he was messaging me for one thing, he already knows I’m not about that from my POF profile.  Maybe he messaged me at first because he was looking for a new friend to have some good times with, which is pretty much what I’m looking for, too.  My roommate said he probably messaged me for sex.  I said, I don’t know why he would when I made it very clear on my profile I don’t tolerate being used like that and I don’t like guys getting with me right away.

Another conversation we had was about Facebook.  I had to get on a former friend’s account to show him a picture of this ugly dude that was trying to get with me.  When he saw me look at some guy’s profile he asked why would I have that psycho under my name?  I said, I’m actually on a mutual former friend’s account.  He told me he is never giving me his Facebook password, lmao.  I won’t give him mine either and that’s fine.  The way it should be.