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Xin’s Missing Star

Author’s Note

Most of my stories will be based off of true real life events.  I’m sort of stuck in how I want to end my story with this unexpected no contact from my far away love.  I could write two versions which would be drastic mood changes.  Or should I leave it to one ending and stick with reality?

For new readers to my most epic tale I have ever told, I welcome you.  Current readers who have seen us since the beginning unfold, I am happy you are still here to want to know where our journey is headed.

I told him people from all over the world was reading my blog just for our story.  He said was happy for me.  He said he thought that was so wonderful of you guys to love our story, when we were still talking before our argument yesterday.  He’s eight+ hours away and we can’t properly see each other to talk things out in person and some miscommunication happened.

Now I don’t know how to end the story.  I cannot write my ending without the star of my show and I don’t want to leave my readers hanging.  It would mean a lot if we could trend the hash tag #xinsmissingstar on Twitter and if there is a way here, if you have one to let him know how important it is that I need him to finish writing.  I love him because of this connection that we have through my writings.  I’ve never had that with any other man before.  Most of my crushes just viewed my stories as an angry woman ranting, not him, though.

My lost universe would used to tell me all the time how he thinks I’m a great writer and that meant a lot coming from him, especially my fellow readers, too, I appreciate so much all the positive feedback about my stories.  He is my muse.

Xin’s Missing Star

I used to say I would only date people 1 to 3 years younger than me or 1 to 3 years older than me.  Then, when people five years younger than me started talking to me more, I thought how many good people I would miss out on just because they are two years younger than my age cut off.  It helped that they had interesting personalities for me to want to talk to someone that much younger than my usual preferences and they weren’t dull to talk to.

Once everyone is 19/20+ years-old, I don’t really care.

Most of the people around me are generally younger than me now.  Most people talking on the Internet wherever I go are going to be younger than me.

When I first started talking to this particular 19-year-old boy, I saw a maturity level in him to match my age.  It wouldn’t have worked otherwise if he didn’t act older than his age.  We could talk about very sensitive topics and he had a strong character to not be freaked out by the stories I write about him.  I really love him for that.  What ultimately pushed him away was when I was feeling the most alone in the world last night.  He wasn’t even pushed away that we had talked about semi-seriously talked about our married life together so soon when we first started talking [that's the strong character in him I admire -- you know you've found the one when they don't get freaked out about talking about marriage, not joking about it, but actually talking about it].  It was me freaking out about not being able to save up to see him this summer that pushed him away.  I needed him to be there for me, instead he shut me out.

I know he is 8+ hours away.  We were planning to meet this summer and we would have had so much fun had we got that far to meet.  Work has been setting me back to do that with all these unpaid days off.  I always see long distance couples on youtube make their videos and I wanted to make one so much with him to go with our written story.

I can’t make our long distance video without him.  I lost one of my most important readers and I don’t know how to get him back: the star of the show!  I didn’t mean to make him my whole entire world, but he was a huge part of it.

I now see the 19-year-old side of him.  I thought he was mature enough to handle a long distance but we’re both impatient wanting things to happen soon and we can’t make that happen soon since we don’t have the funds, resources, or schedule to currently.

Anyone who has ever been in a really long distance experience, if you could tell me how your story went, I would love to hear other people’s long distance experiences.  Anyone who needs someone to talk to about things, I am here for you, too.

Article: Shocked

I recently saw a Yahoo! article where a father killed a 17-year-old boy who was hiding under a father’s 16-year-old daughter’s bed all because the daughter lied – the boy is dead.  Now an unnecessary tragedy has happened and a father may do some jail time all because he was wanting to protect his daughter.

Some kids these days are very disrespectful, even some adults, too.  Were they not raised to be a decent human being? I wonder.  I thought it was common sense.  I shake my head at the way people are becoming these days, even on the Internet.  More and more children are given access to Internet now than ever before and trolling sites that they shouldn’t be on in the first place.

What happened to some of today’s children?  I saw another video a 13-year-old girl disappeared for three days without notifying her family. She came back wearing a hoe-dress at 13-years-old.

I’m not going to write off all of today’s children.

There was an eight-year-old boy who saved his entire family from a fire and he ended up dying trying to save his uncle.  Big responsibilities for a young boy and it’s unfortunate he didn’t survive.

Still, there’s not enough children like the eight-year-old boy who saved his family from the fire.

More reckless, disrespectful children, parents uploading videos of their five-year-olds cursing on the Internet.  What in the world?!  On vine, I can’t tell you how many kids, ten-year-olds I’ve seen using foul words and language they shouldn’t even know about at that age.

Michael Jackson’s accusations

I agree with the Jury in this case and I’m glad the courts worked in his favor. The only one who was abused all his life was Michael Jackson: being mentally abused by his father and the majority of the world who continuously makes up rumors about him. Why do people believe those rumors? Those rumors are made up by greedy moral-less bastards out for his money.

Why would Michael Jackson want to ruin someone else’s childhood when he never had one of his own?  He set up a foundation for helping children, and now that’s twisted and turned into something it’s not.  Now after his death more secret children, secret wives bullshit are popping up.  People are SICK and I hope they go to where they belong.  I guess they were never taught right from wrong.

I don’t get how these people can feel good about themselves trying to make money off of defaming Michael Jackson.  If I ever run into one of these people I’ll let them know what I think of them.

I really don’t get how people can feel good about themselves knowing where they get their money, how they got it, and sit there take hand-me-downs.  I’m struggling to pay rent each month, people have offered to help and I still don’t take their offers!  I’m more of a I like to earn my things, work hard blood sweat and tears.

Ok.

I just got called a troll and I haven’t even said or done anything.  All I’ve been doing lately is posting my stories and whoever stumbles upon them sees them.  Um, what is “trollish” about someone who’s done nothing but posting her stories and thoughts on her own blogs and minded her own business and has shared the link to whoever was interested in reading more?  Then some REAL troll starts abusing the voting system?  Last time I checked a troll is someone who doesn’t let people speak their minds, insults and bullies people.  I’ve done none of that!  Care to look up the definition of a troll to whoever thinks I’m one! I don’t fit anything about being a troll!  People these days…

Critics vs. Trolls

My intro page says I dedicated my life to charities, humanitarian work, and causes. I don’t know what monstrosity would give an intro like that one out of five stars.  It annoyed me seeing that one star vote that I disabled the votes.  How many people who are broke themselves, you think would volunteer three years of their lives?  I bet whoever the voter is hasn’t volunteered one sad day of its trollific life.  I’m glad more people like my intro than don’t, but still…

Now that pisses me off when some idiot does nothing with their time but hate and doesn’t even leave a comment.  I challenge this pathetic troll to see if it can write a better story than me or if it even knows half of the knowledge that I know.  While you are one person even though much more people like my writing than don’t, it’s very insulting that you’re not even man enough to leave a comment.  Whoever this voter is, isn’t very bright at all.  My biggest pet peeves are silent trolls and cowards.  I’ve seen people talk about me behind my back on their own blogs but they’ve never had the guts to leave a comment once on my page!

And quite frankly, I really don’t care if you’re just someone who dislikes me.  I’m pretty sure my caption to my site even says, “Call me what you will, I’ll still speak my mind. 100% Public.”  I’m pretty sure I say I don’t give a damn to whoever dislikes me so why waste your time hating me?  Do something more productive.  This is what I’m talking about:  I’ve minded my own business and people out of nowhere just come in and start unjustly hating me for no legitimate reason.  Does this happen to anyone else?

The Silent Voter(s)

Instead of leaving a comment on my blog posts, someone has been going through all my posts giving my posts one out of five stars.  I’m pretty sure my introduction to this site said my site will not be for everyone and I’m not going to waste my time proving myself to people who don’t like my site.  I’m by no means the best writer on the block but whoever is voting one out of five stars on my stories can get off my page.  I dare that silent troll to comment.  Someone is click-happy around here.  Yes, mysterious voter I just called you out!  I know I can still need improvement on my writings, but I’m pretty sure I’m not a one out of five stars and I’m quite sure whoever this silent voter is can’t even write stories period.

Untitled

I have read many blogs are going in private mode.  I wonder what is so “precious” about your lives that you feel entitled to that privacy.  Just don’t post anything on the Internet you wouldn’t want someone to read, period.  If you don’t want people reading your shit get a private diary you hide under your pillow.  I’m sick of the entitlement I’m seeing on some blogs.  I’m an open book and I don’t really care for this “privacy” business.  Some people think highly of themselves if they think anyone cares that much about their pathetic lives to be “snooping” for none other than finding something to read and be entertained on the Internet.  Some people haven’t changed since the old Xanga site.  Good to know.

I sometimes go to people’s blogs, those who have judged me from before wondering who they think they are thinking they could judge my life when they’ve made far worse decisions than me and they used to bash me on Xanga all the time, all the while their lives suck more than mine!  No wonder you projected your hatred for people onto others that did nothing to you.  I know see why old trolls are bitter hags on the Internet.  It makes sense.  Be careful what you make public because it just back fired on you.  Next time maybe you shouldn’t be pointing fingers at other people’s lives when you know what you’ve done with your own.

Seriously, 8:23 a.m.? #blog #storytime

Aaron this black guy who won’t leave me alone texted me at 8:23am this morning.  If I flat out told him I didn’t want to hang out the first time, and he’s still trying to talk to me, I’m just not going to answer.  I have already told him I don’t want anyone in his town and he is STILL trying to talk me into hanging out with him when I told him I don’t want to hang out with ANYONE for a while.  He isn’t like that with me to where he can text me early in the morning.  I’m supposed to be at work anyway and every time he texts me that is usually during the work hours.  Some people.  I mean I can certainly take a hint.

The world would be a better place if a person I like talked to me more than these annoying douche bags who can’t take a hint talk to me.  I don’t do this to people if I know they don’t want to talk to me?!  And if I do the difference is the person actually likes me back so it’s not the same.  We just can’t see each other because the person I like is far away.

That’s twice this week Aaron texted me.  I didn’t answer.  He also called me last Saturday after I was straight forward with him on Friday when he showed up out of the blue I was not going to have the time to hang out for a long time.  I didn’t pick up.  Friday he thought he could show up uninvited, take my food.  Did he really think I would still want to talk to him after he said raunchy disgusting unwanted things to me on my birthday? He had the audacity to joke I should buy him a meal on my birthday instead of treating me out.  Strike two in one day.

Just because it was my birthday a few weeks ago didn’t mean I wanted any from him.  I told him I did not feel like hanging out and that is not his place to say if I need to hang out with people that it’s not healthy being cooped up in my room by myself all the time when I told him I was working on my projects.  It’s not healthy hanging out with people who can’t take a hint.  If Aaron shows up to my house again uninvited, I’m just going to say I have already told him I’m busy and showing up when I told him I do not want to hang out isn’t going to get me to hang out.

If he truly cared about me like he said he’d leave me alone and take a hint.  People think he’s a fucking stalker which he is.  I don’t want to be in a room alone with this guy, Aaron.

I’m going to say this:

“I’ve tried being really nice to you in saying I can’t or won’t hang out.  I feel I’ve been very straight forward, especially now.  I thought by saying I’m busy every time you ask you would have taken a FUCKING HINT.  No one can be busy every time you try to talk to someone, but in my case I actually really was, still am, so I’m not lying.

In the beginning, when you tried to date me when you first met me I’ve already told you I really wasn’t interested.  I keep telling you I’m into someone else and you refuse to hear my words and you think just because I can’t see the guy it’s okay to hit on me.  No it’s not.  I don’t hang out with you because every time you always try to hug on me or touch me and you know I’m not interested.  You can’t be just platonic friends. Perhaps I would be able to hang out if you’d stop trying to hit on me, but you do not respect my boundaries. So stop asking if I want to hang out.  The answer is NO!  Plus, I have a 700 page book I need to finish typing.”

I’d rather wait for someone I’m in love with from far away than try to be with someone fifteen minutes away who I don’t like.  It’s worth the wait.

Stress, Hopeful, Spring Break #writing

While I do love the job that I’m at, it’s very stressful.  Sometimes things will happen and we get laid off for a couple of weeks so they can figure out whatever is going on and then they’ll call us back.  I can hardly ever save up for a new car and it’s pissing me off because every time I get paid it has to go to next month’s rent.  I hope that after I publish my novel, it will get the recognition it deserves and at least I’ll have a little something to bounce back on while I wait to return to the job.  Never judge a book by its cover.  Just because I’m not starting out as a more known writer, doesn’t mean I’m not “verified” because my presence isn’t known to the Internet yet.  I’ve been writing forever, I just haven’t shown people things until this past year.  Practicing in my privacy.

I was kind of praying for a week off so I can visit my dog and finish this blasted novel and my prayers were answered.  Although I could use the money, I haven’t been feeling like working up to my usual potential, especially at a department I’m not usually at and the way they run things over at this other department is different from my original department I was assigned to.  I also didn’t like getting up at 5:45 a.m.  I need my one to two hours of relaxation before work starts, period.  I’m starting to like second shift better.  I cannot wait until we return to our normal hours.  For now, I am going to take one day at a time, and enjoy this time off.

Hopefully my other prayers will be answered that I need badly to be answered.  *crosses fingers*

Doubts #blog

If it’s one thing I hate, it’s people telling me I can’t do something: like saying I can’t publish a #1 best seller because I don’t have the “credentials” like some numbers have to “verify” me.  Have people ever heard of the saying, sometimes the undiscovered are better than the brand names, they just don’t get the credits they deserve because it’s a dog eat dog world?  Some of the things that ARE number one out there already are pure ratchetry.  They got lucky they just knew someone in the marketing industry.  Justin Bieber name a bell to some people who complain about him all the time wondering how he got so known?  Usher discovered him.  “Luck.”  I used to look up to Justin in awe of his accomplishments at such a young age, and now he better shape up if he still wants Selena to stay in his life.  Now I’m tired of his ways.

Just because a person telling others they can’t write a best seller can’t write, doesn’t mean I can’t.  I’ll say fucking watch me because when I’m finished with my first novel and if I promote it right, it WILL be a best seller, at least in my town will be.  No one from my town does this kind of thing.  My town is a boring town.  Nothing exciting like my book has happened here in ever besides Rudy which was so long ago, so my book will give my town a wake up call.

With the extra time that I spend perfecting it, and for the cause it is for, and when I’m telling more and more people about it who are very anxious to read it, some people will eat their words.  Just because they don’t have the drive to do something like this, doesn’t mean other people don’t have the drive.

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