Xin’s Missing Star

Author’s Note

Most of my stories will be based off of true real life events.  I’m sort of stuck in how I want to end my story with this unexpected no contact from my far away love.  I could write two versions which would be drastic mood changes.  Or should I leave it to one ending and stick with reality?

For new readers to my most epic tale I have ever told, I welcome you.  Current readers who have seen us since the beginning unfold, I am happy you are still here to want to know where our journey is headed.

I told him people from all over the world was reading my blog just for our story.  He said was happy for me.  He said he thought that was so wonderful of you guys to love our story, when we were still talking before our argument yesterday.  He’s eight+ hours away and we can’t properly see each other to talk things out in person and some miscommunication happened.

Now I don’t know how to end the story.  I cannot write my ending without the star of my show and I don’t want to leave my readers hanging.  It would mean a lot if we could trend the hash tag #xinsmissingstar on Twitter and if there is a way here, if you have one to let him know how important it is that I need him to finish writing.  I love him because of this connection that we have through my writings.  I’ve never had that with any other man before.  Most of my crushes just viewed my stories as an angry woman ranting, not him, though.

My lost universe would used to tell me all the time how he thinks I’m a great writer and that meant a lot coming from him, especially my fellow readers, too, I appreciate so much all the positive feedback about my stories.  He is my muse.

Xin’s Missing Star

I used to say I would only date people 1 to 3 years younger than me or 1 to 3 years older than me.  Then, when people five years younger than me started talking to me more, I thought how many good people I would miss out on just because they are two years younger than my age cut off.  It helped that they had interesting personalities for me to want to talk to someone that much younger than my usual preferences and they weren’t dull to talk to.

Once everyone is 19/20+ years-old, I don’t really care.

Most of the people around me are generally younger than me now.  Most people talking on the Internet wherever I go are going to be younger than me.

When I first started talking to this particular 19-year-old boy, I saw a maturity level in him to match my age.  It wouldn’t have worked otherwise if he didn’t act older than his age.  We could talk about very sensitive topics and he had a strong character to not be freaked out by the stories I write about him.  I really love him for that.  What ultimately pushed him away was when I was feeling the most alone in the world last night.  He wasn’t even pushed away that we had talked about semi-seriously talked about our married life together so soon when we first started talking [that's the strong character in him I admire -- you know you've found the one when they don't get freaked out about talking about marriage, not joking about it, but actually talking about it].  It was me freaking out about not being able to save up to see him this summer that pushed him away.  I needed him to be there for me, instead he shut me out.

I know he is 8+ hours away.  We were planning to meet this summer and we would have had so much fun had we got that far to meet.  Work has been setting me back to do that with all these unpaid days off.  I always see long distance couples on youtube make their videos and I wanted to make one so much with him to go with our written story.

I can’t make our long distance video without him.  I lost one of my most important readers and I don’t know how to get him back: the star of the show!  I didn’t mean to make him my whole entire world, but he was a huge part of it.

I now see the 19-year-old side of him.  I thought he was mature enough to handle a long distance but we’re both impatient wanting things to happen soon and we can’t make that happen soon since we don’t have the funds, resources, or schedule to currently.

Anyone who has ever been in a really long distance experience, if you could tell me how your story went, I would love to hear other people’s long distance experiences.  Anyone who needs someone to talk to about things, I am here for you, too.

A Fantasy I’d Rather not Happen in Reality!

A few posts ago, I talked about Jake who goes to Texas A & M that I had met on Omegle weeks ago.  After he had done something extremely rude, I figured he wouldn’t message me again, especially when I didn’t seem interested at all.  When he kept prying me to show him things I would not.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, the dude was attractive, I just wasn’t into him.  He didn’t want to have conversations about life.  He just wanted to get to the good stuff and that honestly does not turn me on at all.  I like to talk for a while, and have meaningful conversations, then if the time is right, sexy things might happen.

Jake messaged me on kik asking if we could skype later and he said I should stick a banana in my pussy for him to watch.

I’m thinking, is this dude serious?

I literally said, “lol, no.”

After that he asked me if I had a dildo [also said no to that].

Then he said, “a remote control.”

At this point I’m for real laughing my fucking ass off like no tomorrow.  Is this supposed to be sexy talk or something?

He was for serious.  Oh, lord.  Why me?  Why was I not blessed to have a smooth sailing love life?

All I’ve ever been was as decent of a person as I can be and to whomever decides I’m worth it to try to work things out with no matter the distance or whatever obstacles in the way will find that in an instant.  He will be rewarded with a respectable and faithful spouse.  And when he does, I hope he takes good care of a diamond.

Smart guys know what they have when they have it, dumb guys throw a good thing away [this applies to women, also.]

Fun Fact #4: Real Talk for a Minute, No Fantasies

Baby, you don’t even know what you do to me.  I keep imagining how much FUN we would have if we were to meet in person with all the things that we have talked about: snowboarding, skiing, surfing, etc.  Since you’re by mountains, maybe hiking one day?  A picnic in a hidden area in the mountains.  If we both get lost hiking we’d have each other, but I hope we won’t get lost, lol.

I’ve really wanted to meet a person I like from in person just like you wanted to as well, but I seriously give up in defeat.  Honestly, you think I don’t want to meet someone with an epic story in person?  I do.  I get it, letting fate deal its hands unexpectedly.  Well you were unexpected, too.  I have a feeling a person I like I’m going to meet is from online.  Whenever I talk with you, I don’t feel like we’re about sex at all, even though you make me wanna show you things on cam I wouldn’t show others.  I have real conversations with you because I know you also like me for my personality and not just my looks.  Some people I run into only care about how I look and it’s not just about that.  I get happy whenever you text me, and then get sad whenever we don’t talk.  You light up my life currently, I hope you know.  I know we all need our space and don’t need to talk all the time, but since it would be long distance do things change?  Sometimes when we don’t talk for a while, I feel like you’re not interested anymore, but then we get to talking again and it goes from there.

I would move for you if it came to that point.  I know you’ve stayed at your job longer and I want to get out of Indiana.  Never in a million years did I imagine I’d be in your state for anything.  I’ve always wanted to move to California or New York and did not have your state in mind at all before I met you.

You must be so wonderful in person to be around, and have a bubbly personality.  I hope we shall meet some day soon.  Girls are stupid not giving you a chance from what you’ve told me and why.  I don’t want you to move to Indiana.  I think there’s something in the waters in Indiana that makes most people act shitty and you might turn into a person I won’t like in the end if you were the one to move to where I am.  I’m shocked I’m still a decent person considering all the morons here I’ve had to deal with daily you’d think they’d turn me into a moron.  There are very few decent people here: men and women alike.  I was discussing this with a friend today that most women where we are don’t give two shits if a guy is married, taken or has a family, they’ll get the D anywhere they can and only have concerns for their needs.  I mean, after all, I’m looking for someone in a different state and don’t want to go back to square one.

Fun Fact #3: Indiana Peeps

I don’t meet a lot of people from Indiana on any social networking sites if I don’t already know them from in person.  So it was actually a pleasant surprise when I met one person who lives 40 minutes away and another Indianan who lives 20 minutes away from Indianapolis.  I thought I was the only one who got on social networking sites for a minute from here.  It’s nice to run into more people from Indiana.  I’m feeling left out being the only Indiana person ever that they refer to me as Indiana Girl, Haha.  I usually meet a lot of people from California, New York or Canada have been the main places, and then a few states in between.

Once Upon a Time, it was Lust at First Site.

A couple of my friends have encouraged me to try online dating sites but I always told them I want to meet someone in person with this epic story behind it.  I love great stories.  I mean, how boring does this sound, “I met him through all these online profiles and thought he was the best one out of all of them.”  It’s like applying for a job online.

A friend said, “You could always talk about the dates you go on after you meet them in person.”

Still, it’s not the same.

Then again, I’d say this story would be pretty epic: finding someone datable on Omegle who isn’t just looking to play, hahaha, especially scrolling through all those dick videos, oh. my. God.  I was just looking for friends to talk to on there.  I didn’t think I’d really like anyone as more, honestly.  And then it happened when I least expected it.

I totally feel ya though about wanting fate to happen in person, because that’s what I wanted for the longest time and I don’t think I’m going to get what I want where I live and it’s looking grimmer by the day with the people in my town.  I’d HAVE to look online, or I wouldn’t have to, but just be lonely.  It’s all good.  Hopefully I have my work to keep me preoccupied about not thinking about being alone.  I’ve been without for so long, I’ve just stopped caring.  Every time I get my hopes up I always get crushed in the end.  I’m just trying to have a positive attitude even when things look hopeless.

Channing Tatum Look-A-Like

I was talking to a man named Matt, 23-years-old, from Colorado on that site today.  He literally reminds me of Channing Tatum.  Looks exactly like the actor, I’m not kidding…and then the chat froze on us.  I had him standing up for me walking around in a circle pretending like he was a model, he looked like one, LOL.  I was just telling him a funny story about me and my two guy roommates and he was laughing so hard at it damn it.  I hate that site for freezing a lot just as I’m about to get into good conversations with people on there.

When the chat froze we started writing hand written notes to show on the cam it was hilarious but then that froze, too.  Ahhh.

Well, a new person who I may potentially talk to not Matt, did tell me I am an unforgettable person and people will always remember me even if they only meet me for five minutes.  I have a lasting impression!  What can I say?

Matt was the first person I met from Colorado on there and he told me he hopes he made a good impression for Colorado people and I said he sure did.

That Young Stud Virgin

That Young Stud Virgin              

I’ve always liked younger guys because the older guys in my city play too many games with me.  I said to myself if I’m going to talk to someone immature, may as well talk to a younger guy who at least still keeps in shape instead of these older gentlemen who are so unsettling.  Mind you, the younger guys I talk to, they are still men even if they are a few years younger than me.  At least they’re the age of a man, but maybe have the mentality of children, ha.  Omegle is quite the interesting online video chat community.  If someone is making you uncomfortable, you can always immediately X out of the screen and start talking to someone new in an instant without a trace of them finding you again.  It’s like a virtual one-night stand.  I’m not on there to show my genitals to people, I just like talking to people from all over the world.  If I come across the right person, maybe we can play on cam.  That’s just not my kind of thing.  I’ve met people from the UK, Sweden, Denmark, and especially Finland.

This particular boy, 18, from Finland intrigued me.  He’s the youngest guy I’ve ever talked to, and the only really young one.  I don’t purposely go searching for 18-year-olds or younger.  As soon as they tell me they’re 17 or 16, I usually X out of those screens until I find someone closer to my age.

Probably because he told me he’s still a virgin, at 18-years-old.  I said, “Wow, why still a virgin?  You’re cute, know how to sing and play piano AND guitar.  What girl wouldn’t want you there?”  I don’t know any people these days anymore who are still virgins, even at 18.  I mean, look at Charley who is 21-years-old, and has two children.  He had to have started really young.

Finland boy replied, “I have many girls that want to date me.  That’s just not a high priority for me right now.”

I told him there’s not really any good guys in my town and I’m so lonely.

He said, “Maybe a man is not meant for you right now, but you will find him.”

I wanted him to hug me right then.

We skyped the whole night.  I didn’t get any sleep at all and was still talking to him at 6:30 AM my time and it was like 11:00 AM his time.  I had so much fun talking to him and he said he didn’t want to do anything else but talk to me all day.  He was singing to me.   He played his guitar, piano.  I sang to him, too.  It was sweet.  He’s in Finland, sigh.

We tried scheduling another time to talk, but with the time difference, it was hard.  I finally saw him online again so I sent him a message asking him how he was doing and what is he up to?

He replied, “It’s 5 A.M. and I can’t sleep so I got on here.”

I said, “Can I see you on cam so you can say goodnight to me?”

We saw each other and waved.

He then ended the conversation with, “Well I’m going to go to bed now.  Uni starts Tuesday.  I’ll see you some day.”

Copyright (c) 2014 by: thelostxin