I told Charley that he would be my last Indiana man I’ve ever tried anything with here and that when it didn’t work out with him, there’s just no one in Indiana for me. It’s rare I can find someone I connect with who connects with me back. It’s always one way or the other, hardly ever going both ways. I have no luck with men in Indiana.
Today I was moping around the apartment and my roommate asked me, “What’s wrong? You look really depressed.”
“When was the last time I have ever had a guy over here? C’mon. I keep getting messages from all of these guys and everyone in person as well practically buzzing in my ear saying whoever ends up with me will be the luckiest guy, but I’m still lonely.”
“I know. It’s been a long damn time for you. I’m sorry things aren’t working out for you with these guys.”
“Oh, I’m sad about Charley, you know that and you know how much I was willing to sacrifice to give him a chance even though he has two small kids and I really would rather not date someone with kids if I could have it my way, but I liked him so much I would have given it a shot.”
I knew nothing was ever going to happen with Charley, but we both like each other. Sure, that’s why he calls me once in a while out of nowhere, can’t just completely forget about me, because he’s not feeling happy with his life he has with someone else before he unexpectedly met me.
I told Charley to be good and to finish getting his college degree, he’s just not meant for me, and that he can find a much better job than where we first met. He needs to focus on his kids and be there for them. For now the job he has is decent, but with his ambitions, he can find better, I know he can. He never responded to those texts obviously, but in my heart I know he read them. I told Charley I will always care for him as a friend, but I can’t keep letting him toy with me like that. I have no reason to be upset at him for not responding to me when I knew it wasn’t going to work out in the first place and tried to be friends and only said nice, caring things.
When I started talking to new people online in other states, there was only one other person I met online that I felt this connection I had with Charley, with a new person, that it wasn’t just about sex. It would be more than that if we were able to see each other. I didn’t want to meet someone from online far away and was hoping I could find someone here locally where I am, but I gave up on that.
I’ve talked to a couple of people from Omegle, but there’s only one person from Omegle I felt I could have a relationship with also and it wouldn’t be just a fling. I’ve talked about him before, Sweetheart. Sure, Omegle is not the ideal Web site to meet someone for dating. I wasn’t even necessarily looking for someone to date on there, just looking for new friends to chat with and it unexpectedly happened when someone and I just talked as more on that video site. New boy even said to me when we first typed each other what are we looking for on there. I will never forget his first words to me: “I was feeling kind of horny, not going to lie to you, but you’re like the first normal person I’ve run into on here to have a decent chat with.”
I laugh remembering when New Boy and I first started talking and I wonder if he still thinks I’m “normal” after talking much more now for a few weeks. He knows I’m really out spoken about things and I don’t hold back with what I think. That’s all it is, I’m not necessarily a crazy psychotic person, if you will, only out spoken and emotional at times.
“What’s going on with you and Sweetheart? [My roommate doesn’t call him that, hah, that’s just the name I give the new guy I’m trying to talk to.]”
“A whole lot of nothing is what’s going on. People say I should just be pen pals with him since we know it’s not practical to date that he’s far, far, away but I don’t want to be pen pals. Every time we talk it breaks my heart because we may never meet in person with our busy schedules. The more we talk, each time I want him more and more. You have no idea so I’ve kind of stopped talking to him for now. I would video chat with him every night if he wanted to whenever we can, but we’ve stopped video chatting, too.”
Whenever I would talk about life with people and say I’m trying to talk to a 19-year-old, they always laugh at me. It’s not a malicious laugh, but they never would have expected me to talk to someone that young. I never expected this, either, actually. It just happened.
Today I called my best friend Ashley who I’ve known since high school who is like my sister – we have never fought about anything, one of my truest women friends I know I can count on. I haven’t talked to her in the longest time and we were catching up. Of course I talked to her about my 19-year-old interest. She said, “You know the other day I was just talking with the guy I’m seeing about you saying we see things totally different. You like guys younger and I like mine older. You should come to my side of the fence.”
I had this big grin on my face sitting at Dairy Queen eating my mushroom and Swiss burger, cell phone in my ear, “I was on your side of the fence and if I recall I had a 28-year-old take me a run for my money who put me in a ton of debt, the reason why I’m struggling and am finally bouncing back even if it has been two years since I last talked to the douche bag.”
“You need to go older than 28, mid 30s,” Ashley answered with a chuckle.
“This 19-year-old isn’t really all that bad at all. He’s working, going to college, pays for his own groceries,” I update her.
“He does sound put together,” she agreed.
“We both have our own histories with things. I told him my dark secrets and he told me his. My 28-year-old ‘ex’ is still living in his family home and single, doesn’t look like he’s planning on moving out any time freaking soon…I don’t fault my 19-year-old interest still living with his father. I was still living at home myself at that age,” I tell her.
“Too true, too true,” I can see her nodding over the phone.
“And something happened in his life when he was five [I won’t say what] which makes me believe he won’t be an asshole to me,” I tell her.
“He sounds good for you, Jess. I do hope things work out for you guys.”
I sigh, wishing the same thing.