A while back, I had met a new friend from a catering event. I forget what I called him in those posts, but I’ll just say Aaron for now.
Anyway, Aaron is this black guy I wasn’t attracted to at all.
When we hung out as friends last year, and he tried to hold my hand, I flinched away. Pretty sure I made it very clear I wasn’t interested.
Just because it is my birthday tomorrow does not mean I want birthday sex from you. How the hell are you going to try and say I should fuck you on my birthday while I am talking to you about a guy I am in love with and I can’t see because that guy is far away?
On top of that, you want me to hang out with you even though you told me to treat you to Applebee’s even though it is my birthday and shouldn’t it be the other way around? I really don’t want to hang out with you period, especially after you said you wanted to take me to your place to hook up with me and I don’t do that with people I don’t like and I’m not attracted to in that way.
This is so frustrating. I’m sick of this kind of degrading shit around my town.
I’m waiting one day for where I can hang out with the person I want to be with. I don’t care how far away you are. I’ll wait for you for when we can hang out more. I don’t want these guys in my town. I don’t.
What a dog!~
My Journey to Something New
I have never been in a true long distance relationship. Michigan to Indiana isn’t too far. I can be in Michigan in an instant. I was just in Kalamazoo not too long ago for a video shoot. I won’t count visiting someone in Michigan years ago, especially since we occasionally visit Michigan here and there. I’m talking states down, states further away. I’ve visited friends whenever they moved to a different state, but we weren’t dating, just friends visiting each other. I haven’t actually ever really wanted a life with someone who lives far away until now. How do people do it? How do they do it? People ask me how I do something like this, that they could never do something like that. I didn’t think I could, either. In fact, whenever I would meet previous Internet friends I still keep in touch with who were interested in me as more, I always said I just only wanted to be friends because I would prefer it if I didn’t do long distance, especially since I am on a budget right now trying to save for a car. With the right person, I can.
For now, all we can be is good friends getting to know each other better each day. I used to think I couldn’t ever feel real ridiculous “like” for someone over the computer I haven’t physically met in person, that they would mainly be Internet friends who have fun talking to each other from time to time, until I started video chatting. I know someone from my high school graduating class and she is in a long distance engagement I think. They’ve been dating for years and are now getting married soon. I’m not that close of friends with her anymore, don’t think I ever was, but her getting engaged to someone in Denver while we are here in Indiana gives me hope for my situation. I wish my interest won’t give up and I think my interest is a little closer [still far, but closer] than Colorado to Indiana. My heart belongs to him down south, a southern boy.
I know these things take time, but I have a good feeling that if we hung out once in person we’d know what we’d ultimately want from each other. I know it’s kind of pointless to make our relationship official right now when we can’t even meet at this point. However, in my heart, I just know. There have been other men to try to talk to me: in my hometown, and in other states that I am not particularly interested in having a relationship with because I am determined to beat all odds this time. I don’t want to give up on this the way I gave up on my last Indiana hope before I climb mountains for my man.
I’m just so afraid you’ll meet someone before both of our schedules are free to see each other. I’m so afraid and I don’t want that to happen because if you meet someone from your hometown, then I can’t talk to you anymore. I know I told you I won’t be talking to anyone else any time soon in that way. I ended things finally with my last Indiana boy and told Charley he can’t keep playing around with me when I’m trying to have a relationship. I won’t ever forget Charley. He was a truly big inspiration in my life working 12 hours a day, going to college and taking care of his two kids at 21-years-old. He also learned the lessons I taught him in life to become a better person. His friends before he met me, I have a feeling didn’t tell him to grow up even though he is 21 with two children. Since he met me, he became more mature. I won’t forget him for that reason that a man from my hometown finally listened to what I was trying to say, it’s just that he has a life with someone else already and Charley needs to stick with it. I’m ready to begin my journey to something new and unknown.
Baby, you don’t even know what you do to me. I keep imagining how much FUN we would have if we were to meet in person with all the things that we have talked about: snowboarding, skiing, surfing, etc. Since you’re by mountains, maybe hiking one day? A picnic in a hidden area in the mountains. If we both get lost hiking we’d have each other, but I hope we won’t get lost, lol.
I’ve really wanted to meet a person I like from in person just like you wanted to as well, but I seriously give up in defeat. Honestly, you think I don’t want to meet someone with an epic story in person? I do. I get it, letting fate deal its hands unexpectedly. Well you were unexpected, too. I have a feeling a person I like I’m going to meet is from online. Whenever I talk with you, I don’t feel like we’re about sex at all, even though you make me wanna show you things on cam I wouldn’t show others. I have real conversations with you because I know you also like me for my personality and not just my looks. Some people I run into only care about how I look and it’s not just about that. I get happy whenever you text me, and then get sad whenever we don’t talk. You light up my life currently, I hope you know. I know we all need our space and don’t need to talk all the time, but since it would be long distance do things change? Sometimes when we don’t talk for a while, I feel like you’re not interested anymore, but then we get to talking again and it goes from there.
I would move for you if it came to that point. I know you’ve stayed at your job longer and I want to get out of Indiana. Never in a million years did I imagine I’d be in your state for anything. I’ve always wanted to move to California or New York and did not have your state in mind at all before I met you.
You must be so wonderful in person to be around, and have a bubbly personality. I hope we shall meet some day soon. Girls are stupid not giving you a chance from what you’ve told me and why. I don’t want you to move to Indiana. I think there’s something in the waters in Indiana that makes most people act shitty and you might turn into a person I won’t like in the end if you were the one to move to where I am. I’m shocked I’m still a decent person considering all the morons here I’ve had to deal with daily you’d think they’d turn me into a moron. There are very few decent people here: men and women alike. I was discussing this with a friend today that most women where we are don’t give two shits if a guy is married, taken or has a family, they’ll get the D anywhere they can and only have concerns for their needs. I mean, after all, I’m looking for someone in a different state and don’t want to go back to square one.
Sometimes I feel incredibly stupid creating a whole story out of a man that I meet that I can’t get over. If it’s guys who I don’t care about, I definitely don’t write stories about them. Then again, it does feel good letting it all out and not keeping it bottled up. I just wish a guy that I cared about would read a story I wrote about him and see himself the way I see himself.
I don’t want to make money off my stories, but people don’t even read my shit when it’s pretty much free on Amazon. 0.99 cents is pretty much nothing. I tried to make it free on kindle but I don’t know how to. I’d love to make it as a writer some day because for all the stories that I have publicly published and people have read, they have all told me I write well. Unless they’re lying to me? I don’t know.
I think I’m sitting on millions of dollars of words, hard work publishing it for FREE, and still hard work that people won’t download for FREE, but people don’t download a good story when it’s right in front of them. They’d rather download public writers who make a lot of mistakes.
I just want his friends and his family, people we know to hear how our story came about. That’s all I want out of writing a story about someone.
Maybe reading about himself will make him see himself in a new light through my eyes to see how much I truly care for Charley and what I would do for him. Brandon pisses me off to no end so whatever to him.