Xin’s Missing Star

Author’s Note

Most of my stories will be based off of true real life events.  I’m sort of stuck in how I want to end my story with this unexpected no contact from my far away love.  I could write two versions which would be drastic mood changes.  Or should I leave it to one ending and stick with reality?

For new readers to my most epic tale I have ever told, I welcome you.  Current readers who have seen us since the beginning unfold, I am happy you are still here to want to know where our journey is headed.

I told him people from all over the world was reading my blog just for our story.  He said was happy for me.  He said he thought that was so wonderful of you guys to love our story, when we were still talking before our argument yesterday.  He’s eight+ hours away and we can’t properly see each other to talk things out in person and some miscommunication happened.

Now I don’t know how to end the story.  I cannot write my ending without the star of my show and I don’t want to leave my readers hanging.  It would mean a lot if we could trend the hash tag #xinsmissingstar on Twitter and if there is a way here, if you have one to let him know how important it is that I need him to finish writing.  I love him because of this connection that we have through my writings.  I’ve never had that with any other man before.  Most of my crushes just viewed my stories as an angry woman ranting, not him, though.

My lost universe would used to tell me all the time how he thinks I’m a great writer and that meant a lot coming from him, especially my fellow readers, too, I appreciate so much all the positive feedback about my stories.  He is my muse.

Xin’s Missing Star

I used to say I would only date people 1 to 3 years younger than me or 1 to 3 years older than me.  Then, when people five years younger than me started talking to me more, I thought how many good people I would miss out on just because they are two years younger than my age cut off.  It helped that they had interesting personalities for me to want to talk to someone that much younger than my usual preferences and they weren’t dull to talk to.

Once everyone is 19/20+ years-old, I don’t really care.

Most of the people around me are generally younger than me now.  Most people talking on the Internet wherever I go are going to be younger than me.

When I first started talking to this particular 19-year-old boy, I saw a maturity level in him to match my age.  It wouldn’t have worked otherwise if he didn’t act older than his age.  We could talk about very sensitive topics and he had a strong character to not be freaked out by the stories I write about him.  I really love him for that.  What ultimately pushed him away was when I was feeling the most alone in the world last night.  He wasn’t even pushed away that we had talked about semi-seriously talked about our married life together so soon when we first started talking [that's the strong character in him I admire -- you know you've found the one when they don't get freaked out about talking about marriage, not joking about it, but actually talking about it].  It was me freaking out about not being able to save up to see him this summer that pushed him away.  I needed him to be there for me, instead he shut me out.

I know he is 8+ hours away.  We were planning to meet this summer and we would have had so much fun had we got that far to meet.  Work has been setting me back to do that with all these unpaid days off.  I always see long distance couples on youtube make their videos and I wanted to make one so much with him to go with our written story.

I can’t make our long distance video without him.  I lost one of my most important readers and I don’t know how to get him back: the star of the show!  I didn’t mean to make him my whole entire world, but he was a huge part of it.

I now see the 19-year-old side of him.  I thought he was mature enough to handle a long distance but we’re both impatient wanting things to happen soon and we can’t make that happen soon since we don’t have the funds, resources, or schedule to currently.

Anyone who has ever been in a really long distance experience, if you could tell me how your story went, I would love to hear other people’s long distance experiences.  Anyone who needs someone to talk to about things, I am here for you, too.

Aw, #cute YouTube videos of #LDRs

I’m bored so I’ve been going to YouTube looking up other people’s long distance stories and some of them have videos! They are so cute.  I hope to make one some day to go along with my story.  That would be a video of our journey.  Work needs to call me back to work already. I’m serious. I like this vacation, but, yeah…

[If Sweden to USA can make it then we can, too!  I know right now nothing can happen, though with our schedules.]

Doubts #blog

If it’s one thing I hate, it’s people telling me I can’t do something: like saying I can’t publish a #1 best seller because I don’t have the “credentials” like some numbers have to “verify” me.  Have people ever heard of the saying, sometimes the undiscovered are better than the brand names, they just don’t get the credits they deserve because it’s a dog eat dog world?  Some of the things that ARE number one out there already are pure ratchetry.  They got lucky they just knew someone in the marketing industry.  Justin Bieber name a bell to some people who complain about him all the time wondering how he got so known?  Usher discovered him.  “Luck.”  I used to look up to Justin in awe of his accomplishments at such a young age, and now he better shape up if he still wants Selena to stay in his life.  Now I’m tired of his ways.

Just because a person telling others they can’t write a best seller can’t write, doesn’t mean I can’t.  I’ll say fucking watch me because when I’m finished with my first novel and if I promote it right, it WILL be a best seller, at least in my town will be.  No one from my town does this kind of thing.  My town is a boring town.  Nothing exciting like my book has happened here in ever besides Rudy which was so long ago, so my book will give my town a wake up call.

With the extra time that I spend perfecting it, and for the cause it is for, and when I’m telling more and more people about it who are very anxious to read it, some people will eat their words.  Just because they don’t have the drive to do something like this, doesn’t mean other people don’t have the drive.

Good Day, Good Evening, and I Screwed Up a Good Thing #blog #storytime

Good Day

I first started off the day by going to a professional Photo Shoot for a bridal shower and took pictures for them, being a photographer’s assistant.  We got great free food.  The woman who it was for was really sweet and nice and she’s very lucky to be able to be with the one person she wants in the whole wide world.  I saw some wedding pictures of women in wedding dresses…man, how I would look in one of those.  I’m not anywhere near close to that day.  I can’t get there when I don’t have a starting place to begin to get there.

I just kept crying mentally to myself how I see her toasting to her and her group of good girl friends who didn’t back stab her.  I wouldn’t be able to have a  bridal shower because I don’t know that many women to rent a small room since most of them back stabbed me for no reason.  I can’t count on two hands of how many women I’m friends with.  It would probably be a get together at my house if I ever had my special day, if I ever, ever, did. . .

Good Evening

Aaron called me again today asking what I was doing when I specifically told him yesterday I wouldn’t be able to hang out [with him] for a long time.  He’s the pushy black guy who won’t leave me alone.  Can he seriously not take a hint?  Damn!

I had a pleasant evening with my new friend Mike but I probably screwed up any future hang out plans because I kept talking about how depressed I was over this long distance thing and did not know what to do anymore and he said,

“There’s a reason why I tend to avoid those in the first place,” he consoled me.

“I used to say that to myself until I met, him,” I sighed in frustration.

“From all of my friends that I’ve seen that have done the Internet long distance thing, it’s never ended up well,” my new friend Mark said.

“What’s so special about him why can’t you stop whatever with him and talk to someone here, just be Internet friends with him?” he continues.

“Nothing is so special about Travis,” I lied.  Only that my intuition tells me if we were to work at being together we’d be one of the greatest loves of all time.

Mike and I are sitting at a bar we haven’t been to in a long time after eating a huge meal of sushi and tempura at another restaurant.  I’m stuffed.

“If you REALLY liked a girl eight hours away wouldn’t you at least visit her one time some day?”  I asked.

“Yes, I would.  No doubt about that,” Mike says.

“Find someone here,” Mike keeps saying as I continue to look at him in silence of how Mike would be the person I would talk to here but I’m screwing it up badly talking about another guy.  The one guy who I would talk to in town fifteen minutes away who isn’t a douche bag, I probably fucked it up.

I fuck myself over more than I want to.  I kept asking the stars in silence why couldn’t I have met Mike before I met Travis then I would have no problem to still want to talk to Mike and not mention other guys!!!  I wouldn’t blame Mike if he doesn’t want to call me back as friends.  Even though we did have an overall good evening, he kept saying he’s so sorry things aren’t working out with me and whoever.

I said I’m glad I got out of the house with him because I haven’t gotten out in the longest time and thanked him for this good evening.

I’m pretty good at reading people and even though we talked about hanging out again next time, we probably won’t.  I really don’t blame Mike if he doesn’t call me back.  I’ve been right about a lot of things I wish I wasn’t right about so judging by my streak with predicting how things will go for the worse, Mike probably won’t want to hang out again knowing how depressed I am about stuff.  I wouldn’t want to talk to a girl who is acting like this, either if I were a guy.  There’s only two things that can make me happy right now:  that’s my dog and “Travis” and I can’t see either easily.

I know why Travis is the way he is because he can’t see me any time soon.  He just needs one night with me to figure it all out.  Fucking A.  Just one night in person.  Whatever happened to “one day?”  I feel it’s never going to come at this rate. :(

Doesn’t Travis like the way we make each other feel like we’re in the clouds ALLLLL the time?  I don’t want that feeling to go the way and no one else makes me feel this way. :’-(

Convenient Dilemma.

Today, Aaron (recap:  he’s this black guy in his 30s who I met from catering still trying to hit on me who I am not interested in I don’t know what I have to say for him to take a hint, honestly, I’ve tried everything to be nice about it and he just keeps being extremely pushy any chance he sees and I’m about to be blunt again that just because I can’t see the person I want doesn’t mean I should try for someone in town.  Love isn’t about being CONVENIENT.)

Aaron showed up at my apartment without notifying me he was to be here once again.  I HATE when he does that.  I had just gotten off work and didn’t feel like going anywhere.  I think he thinks just because he showed up I am obligated to hang out with him: newsflash – no I’m not.  Especially when his house is like ten minutes away it’s not out of the way for him to go back.  I once again, brought up to Aaron about my long distance interest and how blindly in love I am with Travis!  What part of that does Aaron not get?  I see no one else but Travis and it doesn’t matter to me if he is far away.

I honestly feel so lost thinking it won’t work out because I can’t see myself with anyone else.  Travis just gets me.  I’ve never talked to someone as much as I talked to Travis, well used to talk to anyway.  There was only one other townie long ago who I talked to as much as Travis.  I don’t want to be wrong again.  I can’t work at this if I’m the only one working for it.

I’m remembering all the reasons I am holding onto Travis for so long: because when we do have our moments, long distance wise: it is how a long distance “relationship” should be when you can’t see each other in person.  What is my real dilemma?

When a complete stranger asked two nights ago if I needed a car ride, who was kind enough to ask me for one after I had walked for an hour and still had another hour and a half to go, I made a new friend.  I have never tried to date someone my age – that’s because most guy my age are immature where I live and have encountered.  I just don’t feel that intensity with Mike or Aaron, the way I feel about Travis.  I felt the chills the first day I talked to Travis.

If I were to talk to someone in my town it would be Mike.  Mike’s a respectable guy it’s just too bad I didn’t meet him before I met Travis.  We should stay friends for a while even though I think Mike is interested in being more.  Being in a relationship just ruins thing.  A prime example: remember the way Travis and I would used to stay up late with each other on video chat a lot and talk all day?  Now that hardly happens, if at all.  I miss that feeling you give me, babe because no one else gives me that feeling I think it’s true.  I wish you would work for this as much as I want it to work because I know how our first *KISS* would be.  Like I said to you before, if you think it won’t work out then it won’t.

My Journey to You Chapter 6: A Friendly Reminder to Me

Charley was the last man I talked to in my hometown before I gave up on my state and started to look elsewhere.  He wasn’t like any of the other men I talked to before him.  The whole reason why I liked him in the first place was because at such a young age 21-years-old, he was already working 12-hour shifts everyday, going to college on top of that.  He honestly makes me wonder what the hell I did at 21-years-old.  I’m not sure how much he relied on his parents and his wife’s parents for support, but he himself, has a decent paying job where I met him at to take care of his kids on his own.  We don’t work together anymore.  I found another job.  Charley makes my 5-year fling with an “ex,” he makes my “ex” look so much like a scrub, and my “ex” is 28-years-old.

All I did at 21-years-old was live in the dorms and finish college, barely work part-time and I have no children.  I didn’t think he’d have time for anything else then I find out he has two small children.  At the time I was unsure if he was still with the mother of his children.  I was willing to let my usual deal breaker of not hanging out with a man who has children slide.  It’s really not that I’m insecure of his history with what would have been his ex.  I’d just rather not talk to her, not see her.  And here in my hometown, some bitches actually want to start drama with a girlfriend/wife when I’d rather not see nor talk to one period!  Honestly, though.

I never did anything at all with Charley.  We just talked as friends, but I did say I liked him.  He tried to be friends with me after we argued, it’s just that, it was too weird and awkward for me.  I can’t keep in contact with him.  It sucks because I think we both need more friends and only talk to barely any other people at all.  I think that’s why he sometimes called me out of the blue after I thought he would have forgotten about me.  Then one day, his wife called me for no good reason, actually.  I could have been friends with her, too, since I need to hang out with more women instead of mostly men all the time, it’s just that the situation was SO weird.  She wasn’t malicious in her phone call, she actually sounded like a decent person.  I know she was about to ask me a question but I wasn’t going to let her finish her question and hung up on her.  That call sent me a friendly reminder that there are some deal breakers I should keep:  Do not date someone who has to keep in contact with his ex and/or with children.  I will make no exceptions ever again, no matter how ambitious a man is.

Charley was a man who had huge tattoos all over his arms and didn’t seem like a father figure at all: SO wrong for me.  Some people think I was a huge college partier and I’m like, NOPE!  I’ve only been to three or four parties tops in my life, mostly working.  I used to go out sometimes in college, but not that much.  I’m glad I didn’t have anything with Charley because I met the most amazing man for me after Charley.  Although it is long distance, my friends are keeping their fingers crossed that it will work out with Travis and me.  I am hoping so, too.

Night Time Tease

Night Time Tease

Some nights, she imagines herself being touched in every which way.  Other nights, she’ll be so busy she won’t care for some play time.  She doesn’t know what to do when she can’t talk to the one that makes her go wild and aching for his touch.  Other people do nothing for her so she doesn’t waste her own time talking to someone else.  Only he can please her in the best way ever.  No one before him has truly cared to satisfy her.  They’ve only thought for themselves.  He cares to please her just as she cares to please him.

Whenever she gets lost in her thoughts, she closes her eyes in bed at night and imagines him on top of her and having his way with her.  Sometimes, she reaches out, but forgets that it’s only a dream, yet it seemed so real.  If only it were real, she hopes it will be as great as she imagines it will be.  It got her hot and bothered as if his presence was in her room, anyway.  If he was physically present in her room, what it would do to her.

They are in bed.  He slowly moves his hand up her naked legs and naked body until he reaches her insides with his fingers and finds the one thing that no other man has found before at the same time she holds him in her hand slowly massaging him getting him ready.  She whispers in his ear, “I want your cock in me right now.”  He kisses her soft lips so gently and removes his fingers from her ready to stay in her all night long until they can no longer take it anymore.  Babe can go no more after a while as she ever so lightly pushes him off her and rests her head on his chest.  He gives her forehead a little peck and they fall asleep in each others arms.

My Journey to You Chapter 2: Ok! Fun

Chapter 2: Ok! Fun

A while back, I had signed up for Ok! Cupid out of pure boredom and for kicks.  I kept my account open.  Sometimes I would get messages from people on there but I wouldn’t reply because I’m not serious about meeting anyone in person from there at all.  My account was just opened from before but I wouldn’t go on there to purposely search for people.

One man said to me, “You are too beautiful to be on any dating site, why are you on here?”

Oh, I replied, “The men in my city are dumb asses, that’s why unfortunately, but it’s true.  They’d rather date skanks who start drama who don’t respect themselves and I hate to say I’m not a woman like that, sorry.  I’d like to hang out as stress free as possible.  The men around my age in my town are fucked up that’s why.  I’m shocked I still have a straight head screwed on dealing with lots of these kinds of people daily who make up vicious rumors.”

I’m shocked I found the few decent friends that I have in all this mess to be honest.  I’m trying this new thing to surround myself with good people and the people who are bringing me down, can be out of the picture.

Most of the men who message me on Ok! Cupid are older like in their thirties and have children already and I really would rather not date someone who has children nor that old.

“Don’t write off every townie,” these words echo in my brain said by Eric my roommate.

I don’t like going to a dating site to meet someone.  I like to go to sites where you can make friends and the main purpose isn’t finding someone to date but finding friends with similar interests.

While I was bored one night, I got on Omegle again and met another man named Jake who lives in Texas and goes to Texas A & M.  I’ve heard of that college.  Isn’t that where Johnny Football went, or was it Alabama?  I forget.  I’m not a sports buff so I wouldn’t know.

Another person far away.  Decent man, likes talking to me, but again, all I could think about was Travis down south.  I’m sorry, Jake, you’re cute but not for me and not someone I would go the distance for.

I feel so bad whenever these guys try to talk sexy to me they have no idea I’m not even thinking about them the way they’re thinking about me.  I just want to make a new friend that’s all, nothing more.  I’m glad Baseball Guy knows where my heart is and wants to be just friends.

I would always ask guys on Omegle if they talk to other guys on there.  They say, yeah they do.  Whenever I see a girl on there, I want to make more female friends, even if they are far away, it’s just that they’re mostly much younger than me, like 15 or 16, not that young.  Then we could have Girl Talk and talk about whatever either of us want to talk about to pass the time.  I talked to a girl once.  I’m not a lesbian or bisexual, just looking for more friends also females, too.  The chat froze on us.  I have a girl pen pal who I have been talking to since the 8th grade who lives in Australia.  This is a place I’d like to visit some day and I have a friend there, too.  We tell each other everything we wouldn’t tell our real life friends!  She talks to me about her boyfriend and friends and I talk to her about my stuff, too.

Sometimes I don’t make it obvious that I’m a girl on Omegle.  I like to be in a Tom Boy chilling mood at times and I wonder if some girls on there think I’m an Asian guy, hah!  Seriously, I can be the girliest of girls or look like a boy.  It’s however I want to look for that day.

I corresponded with a couple of townies on Ok! Cupid, also, but none I’d want to meet.  For friends possibly, but I know they want more and I don’t want more from them.  I’m just looking for new friends to hang out with in my town if anything.  It gets kind of repetitive hanging out with my roommates all the time.  Don’t get me wrong, we’re all bros until the end, but we need to meet more people instead of sticking with ourselves.

Eric still tries to be friends with his ex who is engaged to someone else [after a month of dating] just to have a friend.

I asked him one day, “Why do you want to be friends with someone who said all those horrible things about you who treats your other friends like crap as well?”

“I try to be friends with everybody when I can,” that’s just him he says.

“You don’t want to be friends with everybody.  Not everyone is good to be around.  Choose the right friends to make amends with,” I say.

Introduction & Chapter 1 – My Journey to You

Prologue

You know that feeling you get when you think you’ve met The One?  I’ve only ever felt that once for someone in my town.  I was so sure because usually my Woman’s Intuitions never fail me, I hardly ever used to listen to myself until I finally felt it.  I used to give people chances only for them to blow them and waste my time.  There were people I have liked who I knew nothing would ever happen with, who were all wrong for me.  Then there was one person who could actually do something about liking me and was single, and 15 to 30 minutes away.  I thought my luck had finally turned around.  We had so much in common, yet were different enough from each other.

Turns out I was wrong.  I used to think I was pushing people away for silly deal breakers such as an age gap.  Once everyone is a certain age, it doesn’t matter to me.  For me, it was the older I dated, the more immature/judgmental they got and I thought people were supposed to grow up at a certain age.  So I said to myself, if older adults I meet are going to act immature, I’d rather find a nice young man to have some real fun with.  I’m more concerned with a potential spouse respecting me, and I respecting him the same.  It is proven, that age is just a number.  With each failed attempt with someone, I find myself getting warmer and warmer to the right person for me.  I’m starting to not care how we met anymore.  If it’s from online and it becomes the best thing I’ve ever had with someone, I’ll be more than happy with that.  I was talking with a couple of friends and they noticed something they said, “How come everyone in your town is getting action except for you and your friends?”

I simply reply, “The rest are all settling thinking they can’t do better with what they’ve got.  I’m being patient and my time will come.  I could easily call some people up right now to get action just the same, but I do not feel a spark with those people and it’s not worth it to me.”  Plus, I am not looking for a one night deal type of thing.  I’m looking for something meaningful.

All these failed attempts had to happen, to lead me to the right direction.  I don’t regret anything now.  I used to be so upset when people wasted a lot of my time.  I was talking to someone for the whole entire year once, just for him to flake out on me when he got back to town.  He was a townie who went to college in another city.  I was very upset that he led me on for so long.  That doesn’t excuse his hidden secret, which by now he should be open to people more about and not breaking girls hearts’ because he’s too insecure of himself to reveal the real him being afraid of how people would react to it.  He should have told me in the beginning instead of wait for when we planned to meet up.  Then we would have still been friends.  I’m glad things didn’t work out with him.  We obviously weren’t right for each other.

Now, I’m acting like a lovesick teenager with someone new I am talking to.  What’s so different about this someone new I’m talking to?  Well for one, he lives far, far, away.  This is something I haven’t really experienced.  I used to think it was a waste of time talking to someone far away like that since we couldn’t ever meet in person anyway, until I met someone I would go the distance for.  I haven’t touched a man in years.  I haven’t been kissed, nothing in years, with seemingly nothing in site to come, at least from my hometown.  Okay, I admit that maybe one short tryst was granted access back in April, but even then, it’s nearly been a YEAR from that point, and two Junes ago before that.  However, I remember it did not satisfy me.  I need to pick up a new hobby so the one I think about nowadays does not constantly consume my mind.  How many hobbies do I need to pick up?  I have more than enough, honestly.  Just ask anyone that knows me how many things I can MOTHER FUCKING do!

Chapter 1

Someone knocks on the door to my place.  I had just finally moved into a house after being in a small dinky apartment for years.  The last thing I have left to achieve is being able to share my happiness with who I want to spend the rest of my life with.  They always say everything will fall into place.  Perhaps, I never found someone before because I didn’t have my priorities in order.  Now with everything aligning once again, maybe I can finally relax with the person I have been longing for.  We both had to have our priorities straight before we could spend our time together.

                I open the door and there he is.

                “You drove 8 to 9 hours to see me?”  I pulled him inside and we give each other a great big hug, finally meeting each other for the first time in person after seeing each other lots of times on video chat.  “People 15 minutes away won’t come to fucking see me.”

                I used to be scared at how awkward our first meeting would be, but it’s not awkward at all.  He was like a long lost friend I haven’t seen in a while and we’re catching up.  I’ve met people from online before locally and it wasn’t awkward.  The only difference now is this man came from a zillion miles away.

                “I did, and you’re worth it and they’re stupid to not want to see you,” he looks into my eyes and plays with strands of my hair.

                “And you were about to give up on me, what made you change your mind to try?”

                “I just had this hunch.  I was being stupid to think this wouldn’t work just because of a few states between us,” he says.

                We are the same height and same size, maybe he’s an inch taller.  I love that I don’t have to stand on my tippy toes to look into his eyes nor to kiss him.  It’s like he’s perfect for me.  I used to think I had to settle for someone tall because at the time, that person was the only one I could find who was decent enough.  I say to myself, I can find someone around my height if I try.  I don’t need to be miserable accepting someone really tall when I’m short stuff.

                I’m amazed he came all this way and I’m playing with his face like he came out of the computer screen and teleported here.

                “You look so much better in person,” he’s checking me out.

                “What’s that supposed to mean?”  I jokingly give him a hard time.

                “I must correct myself.  You look even more beautiful in person,” he states.

                “Well, the camera and computer does add ten pounds to someone,” I laugh.

                I can’t believe he’s finally here after so many months of longing for him, and so many months thinking this wasn’t worth the wait but it was.  It so was.

The alarm sounds.  Is it time to wake up already?  I am sulking and climb out of bed ready to start the day.

My roommate Eric is sitting at the kitchen table eating cereal and looks at me as I come out of my room looking miserable as fuck.

“What the hell?”  Eric looks like he wants to throw that carton of milk at me that’s next to his cereal bowl for looking so depressed all the time.  “Stop doing this to yourself.”

“I know, I know.  I can’t help it sometimes.  I want it to work so badly with Travis but I don’t know how it will when he’s all the way over there and I’m all the way over here.”

“Maybe you should just give up and find someone else here,” Eric says.

“Well thanks a lot for the words of encouragement,” I say to him.

“Look, I know you really do like Travis and I wish it would work out with you two.  I’m just trying to be realistic here.”

“Have you seen the jank men in our city?”

“Yes, and you’ll find a diamond in the rough if you try,” Eric insists.

Chapter 4: Great Things Take Time

Chapter 4:  Great Things Take Time

My roommates and I were having a discussion about one of my roommate’s exes and my situations.  Yes, I live with two men.  It’s hilarious and a good time.  We’re nothing more than roommates.  As I have said in the introduction to my site, most females in my town have been very disloyal to me.  I mainly have male friends who have my back and would take a bullet for me [something some females wouldn't do for me even though I did that for them].  I wish I had more friends who were girls because it kind of gets even lonelier being around all these guys and I can’t have Girl Talk with a female here.  I’m not the type of girl who wants to be around all guys.  I like to have a balance with female and male friends. Most of my female best friends have moved from where I live and aren’t here anymore.  We still keep in touch, though.

If I ever get married, who are going to be my bridesmaids for Christ’s sake if I’m only friends with guys around here?  Have my male friends wear bridesmaids dresses?  I’m half joking.  I made one new female friend from work.  She’s a hoot.  I knew she would be younger than me, but she acts really mature for a 22-year-old: already has her priorities in line and everything.  It’s probably because she’s got kids and a fiance.  She couldn’t believe it when I told her my age.  She said I looked about 19-years-old and she couldn’t stop laughing.  I said I get that a lot, hah!  She always calls me a cougar and makes this hilarious sound with it.  I’m like, “Hey, I’m trying to do something different to get different results because the older guys haven’t been cutting it and haven’t been respecting me.”  She understands why I want to talk to a younger guy now.  I wouldn’t say I am a cougar because the person I’m interested in we’re only about 8 to 9 years apart, still less than 10 years.  Cougar is Demi Moore dating a 27-year-old guy and she’s what 40 or 50 something?  Laughing my ass off over here.

For story purposes, I’ll call my one roommate Jared.  His name is Jared because he likes to eat a lot of Subways since we live nearby one and I told him one day if I see him walk through that door carrying a Subway sandwich bag again, I’m going to slap him upside the head with the sandwich bag that’s how often I see him eat Subway.

“You’re looking to get that ring on your finger quickly.  You laugh at girls who are like that.  Don’t be like my ex who just got engaged after a month of dating a guy.  They may have known each other since 1st grade, but they didn’t start talking until this year and fell out of contact for a few years until now,” Jared says.

“No I’m not!  If I was really looking for that ring right now, do you know how many guys I can call up right here right now in our hometown who would want me to marry them?  I don’t want any of them,” I insist.  “I’m holding out for Southern Boy.”

“I really do hope things work out with you and this new guy, he sounds great.  Just don’t rush things.  Tell the truth, if Southern Boy were to ask you to marry him after one day of hanging out, would you say yes?”

“If it felt right, yes.  After all, by then, we would have been talking for a few months when we meet.  We’d need to spend a lot of time with each other in person to see if this is what we want, but with it being long distance, I don’t know how that’s possible.  I wouldn’t say yes to anyone quickly.  I’d have to be really into the person who is into me just the same, but I don’t want to rush things with Southern Boy because if we’re meant to be, it will happen on its own time.  I want to make sure I made the right decision and I am being as patient as I can be waiting for when we both have the chance to hang out one day.”

“Just don’t be like my ex.  She thinks time is running out and she HAS to get that ring on her finger now.  My cousin is 35-years-old, has been dating this guy for years.  I have a feeling they are going to get married, but they aren’t engaged yet,” Jared says.

“I still can’t get over the fact that Charley’s wife called me yesterday.  Why the fuck did she call me?  She’s three months late.  Nothing happened with me and Charley ever so I don’t even know why she is calling at all because if she read the texts I said there is no one in Indiana for me and I’m moving on, so why fucking call me?  I didn’t let her speak to me.  I hung up on her.  I’m not going to let her accuse me of things after I’ve been trying to encourage Charley to become a better person since he’s met me.  I let Charley go a while back, and he was the one who called me randomly a few weeks ago and I kept telling him work things out with her basically.  It’s too weird and awkward being friends,” I say.

“Maybe she doesn’t believe the texts.  Maybe she thinks he’ll leave her for you,” Jared tells me.

“I wouldn’t take him if he left her for me.  I don’t want someone who has children already I’d tell him what I’ve been telling him already.  God, did she call me to pour more salt in the wounds?  I’m already broken from not being able to be friends with Charley because it’s too weird after everything I’ve said to him and I know he at least wants to be friends that’s why he calls me sometimes,” I say.

“Well I am honestly hoping that you and Southern Boy will work out, I really am,” Jared says.  “Forget about Charley.”