Maybe it’s because I’m lucky I don’t have any children to provide for right now, but I hate borrowing money from people. If you’re on your own though, you have no excuse to borrow money from other people if you have no children. And then there are people who will take all the money they can get and not pay people back. If you don’t have the money to buy what you want/need, I’m afraid you’ll have to with do for the time. That’s what I did. When I couldn’t pay rent on time because work got called off for two weeks, I bounced my account, didn’t ask for other people to pay my rent. I lived off of Ramen and cereal I bought from before and stocked so I didn’t starve. I don’t know how people can feel good about themselves nonchalantly borrowing money from people knowing it would take a while to be paid back. A family friend offered me $100. I really didn’t want to take it, but it helped a lot at the time. As soon as I get my tax refunds I am paying the person back. Everyone that knows me knows my biggest pet peeve is not wanting to borrow money and if I do I pay them back as soon as possible.
You know you’ve got a great job when nearly everything you do reminds you of sexual innuendos, hahahahahaha.
I made a good friend at my new job who takes me to work. She’s hilarious. I had her cracking up all night when I was saying innuendos.
She says to me, “You need to get laid. That’s why you’re referencing it all the time and you don’t even notice.”
Then another co-worker joked I watch porn because I can’t get any. I don’t even watch porn, psht. Honest.
[Oh, I'm not even gonna try to be discreet about that, yes I do need to get laid. Argh, for having standards. Sometimes I wish I could just hook up with someone and not care because getting feelings for someone is what ends up hurting a person in the end when things don't work out. I'm still going to try and have a good outlook on a rather hopeless situation because I love floating on cloud 9, I do. I just wish we could talk more than we do right now! It's always a hit or miss.]
For example, I was cleaning and inspecting parts in a way where she said I looked like I was jacking someone off. I didn’t even really think about how it looked until she said something and the way things were said even though it’s proper instructions to do things are the best innuendos.
An older African gentleman at work of course was shocked to find out how old I’m turning on Sunday. He’s like, “No way. You’re not going to be that old. You look really young.”
“Yep, I have no one in our hometown for me. It’s just me, myself, and I. No children except for my dog. One day I’ll become a mom, hopefully with the right person. For now, I’m just paying off all my bills.”
He said to me, “My wife and I have two boys and I can tell you’d be a really good mom someday when you have children.”
That comment just made me gush. Everyone was complimenting me today. My bosses just told me I was the best freaking quality inspector for the production line in history since they started that line out of everyone that has worked it. I like this work environment. It’s a pleasant place where people have a sense of humor and can joke around, not be too serious all the time.
If I’m a top worker, I know I’d be a damn good mom to my future kids if I ever get to have any, and a damn good girlfriend/wife. Sigh…
I know I’d be good with teaching future kids respect, morals, and not letting people treat them like they’re worth nothing.
Right now, I’m okay with not having any children. I’m struggling to live myself and I don’t want to bring any children to live in my sucky situation right now. When I have children, I want to be properly prepared. So for now, I’m just having fun with myself and getting all my bills paid to where I only have the regular daily bills to worry about and not extra things like student loans, etc.
Death doesn’t care if you’re a pregnant wife and a pastor, nor does it care that you’re a teenage girl.
Death doesn’t care if you’re a tiny baby about to be born. It can strike at any hour: when you least expect it.
The weather has been so horrible this year: The coldest winter in history.
There have been so many deaths lately in the news (mostly bus related) that I don’t know if I feel right writing about a death in my story because I don’t know. It is a work of fiction, but has been mostly realistic, that’s why I’m debating on whether or not to turn it into science fiction and maybe I can bring a character I have die back to life in some outer worldly way…I’m trying to write about as many topics as I can and one topic I haven’t touched upon yet has been death. I just like to see what my imagination can come up with.
This is kind of like Stranger than Fiction’s debate on whether or not she should make one of her characters live.
Two of my top favorite writer movies are Stranger than Fiction and Orange County.
Rest in Peace:
*People involved in the Florida Church Crash – http://www.cnn.com/2014/02/03/us/florida-elderly-driver-kills-three/index.html?sr=tw020414floridawoman9a
*Tennessee church bus crash – http://www.cnn.com/2013/10/03/us/tennessee-church-bus-crash/index.html
*Indiana bus crash – http://www.cnn.com/2013/07/28/us/indiana-bus-crash/index.html
and any others I have not heard of, may all involved be at peace.
Charley was the last man I talked to in my hometown before I gave up on my state and started to look elsewhere. He wasn’t like any of the other men I talked to before him. The whole reason why I liked him in the first place was because at such a young age 21-years-old, he was already working 12-hour shifts everyday, going to college on top of that. He honestly makes me wonder what the hell I did at 21-years-old. I’m not sure how much he relied on his parents and his wife’s parents for support, but he himself, has a decent paying job where I met him at to take care of his kids on his own. We don’t work together anymore. I found another job. Charley makes my 5-year fling with an “ex,” he makes my “ex” look so much like a scrub, and my “ex” is 28-years-old.
All I did at 21-years-old was live in the dorms and finish college, barely work part-time and I have no children. I didn’t think he’d have time for anything else then I find out he has two small children. At the time I was unsure if he was still with the mother of his children. I was willing to let my usual deal breaker of not hanging out with a man who has children slide. It’s really not that I’m insecure of his history with what would have been his ex. I’d just rather not talk to her, not see her. And here in my hometown, some bitches actually want to start drama with a girlfriend/wife when I’d rather not see nor talk to one period! Honestly, though.
I never did anything at all with Charley. We just talked as friends, but I did say I liked him. He tried to be friends with me after we argued, it’s just that, it was too weird and awkward for me. I can’t keep in contact with him. It sucks because I think we both need more friends and only talk to barely any other people at all. I think that’s why he sometimes called me out of the blue after I thought he would have forgotten about me. Then one day, his wife called me for no good reason, actually. I could have been friends with her, too, since I need to hang out with more women instead of mostly men all the time, it’s just that the situation was SO weird. She wasn’t malicious in her phone call, she actually sounded like a decent person. I know she was about to ask me a question but I wasn’t going to let her finish her question and hung up on her. That call sent me a friendly reminder that there are some deal breakers I should keep: Do not date someone who has to keep in contact with his ex and/or with children. I will make no exceptions ever again, no matter how ambitious a man is.
Charley was a man who had huge tattoos all over his arms and didn’t seem like a father figure at all: SO wrong for me. Some people think I was a huge college partier and I’m like, NOPE! I’ve only been to three or four parties tops in my life, mostly working. I used to go out sometimes in college, but not that much. I’m glad I didn’t have anything with Charley because I met the most amazing man for me after Charley. Although it is long distance, my friends are keeping their fingers crossed that it will work out with Travis and me. I am hoping so, too.
You didn’t want to feed your months old baby because you wanted to play video games and smoke pot? You know you can do all three dumb asses! Maybe you should have used protection or close your legs if you can’t grow up and face responsibilities! Damn, almost abortion would have been better then that hell death that little baby went through: died with fists clenched and eyes open, the hell these heartless monsters! I’m not going to comment on abortion, though. I have mixed feelings about it.
Poor baby who didn’t make it: http://www.foxnews.com/story/2008/02/21/parents-baby-left-alone-in-car-seat-for-8-days-face-murder-charges/
I am so happy to read this baby was saved: http://thelibertarianrepublic.com/baby-found-starved-nearly-death-lazy-parents-video/
I don’t care if you used to be a partier mother. i know once a child is in the picture, I could never abandon that child if I ever have one. People like my friends who can’t have children who would be way better parents than these scum bags and some of my friends don’t get the chance to have children, while filth reproduce. There’s a special place in hell for parents like these in those two articles.
Articles like these makes me want to lose faith in humanity more and more each day. They deserve the death penalty in the exact fashion they neglected their child: no food, no water, not being able to change for 8 days to see how they like it! They deserve to be neglected and left alone until someone cares to give them anything the way they did their babies.
I’ve been thinking lately about wanting to write about something new other than what I have been writing about. I mainly take things happening from my life. If I have nothing going on, then I won’t write, which is why I took a long hiatus for a while. When more bizarre things started happening in my life again, I wrote again. I don’t want to just blog or write stories about my life [which, I know could be a soap opera, hahahaha]. Eventually I want to make travel blogs, traveling stories. I can’t travel right now, though. Other than that, maybe I was thinking a celebrity gossip column, I don’t know. I really need to practice writing purely fictional stories not based off of anything that’s happened in my life. All of my stories have been based off of things that’s happened to me. Perhaps I could create a purely fictional story pretending that I traveled, hmm…I’d just have to look up all the places I want my character to go to on the Internet I suppose. Who knows, got any ideas? I’d love for you to share them in this post.
Maybe I can create a fan fiction based off of my favorite Sci-Fi series ever: Sliders, a show from 1999. I would use all the character names as they are in the show. I would like to re-write how the show ended. I’m so pissed the way they ended the series.
You know that feeling you get when you think you’ve met The One? I’ve only ever felt that once for someone in my town. I was so sure because usually my Woman’s Intuitions never fail me, I hardly ever used to listen to myself until I finally felt it. I used to give people chances only for them to blow them and waste my time. There were people I have liked who I knew nothing would ever happen with, who were all wrong for me. Then there was one person who could actually do something about liking me and was single, and 15 to 30 minutes away. I thought my luck had finally turned around. We had so much in common, yet were different enough from each other.
Turns out I was wrong. I used to think I was pushing people away for silly deal breakers such as an age gap. Once everyone is a certain age, it doesn’t matter to me. For me, it was the older I dated, the more immature/judgmental they got and I thought people were supposed to grow up at a certain age. So I said to myself, if older adults I meet are going to act immature, I’d rather find a nice young man to have some real fun with. I’m more concerned with a potential spouse respecting me, and I respecting him the same. It is proven, that age is just a number. With each failed attempt with someone, I find myself getting warmer and warmer to the right person for me. I’m starting to not care how we met anymore. If it’s from online and it becomes the best thing I’ve ever had with someone, I’ll be more than happy with that. I was talking with a couple of friends and they noticed something they said, “How come everyone in your town is getting action except for you and your friends?”
I simply reply, “The rest are all settling thinking they can’t do better with what they’ve got. I’m being patient and my time will come. I could easily call some people up right now to get action just the same, but I do not feel a spark with those people and it’s not worth it to me.” Plus, I am not looking for a one night deal type of thing. I’m looking for something meaningful.
All these failed attempts had to happen, to lead me to the right direction. I don’t regret anything now. I used to be so upset when people wasted a lot of my time. I was talking to someone for the whole entire year once, just for him to flake out on me when he got back to town. He was a townie who went to college in another city. I was very upset that he led me on for so long. That doesn’t excuse his hidden secret, which by now he should be open to people more about and not breaking girls hearts’ because he’s too insecure of himself to reveal the real him being afraid of how people would react to it. He should have told me in the beginning instead of wait for when we planned to meet up. Then we would have still been friends. I’m glad things didn’t work out with him. We obviously weren’t right for each other.
Now, I’m acting like a lovesick teenager with someone new I am talking to. What’s so different about this someone new I’m talking to? Well for one, he lives far, far, away. This is something I haven’t really experienced. I used to think it was a waste of time talking to someone far away like that since we couldn’t ever meet in person anyway, until I met someone I would go the distance for. I haven’t touched a man in years. I haven’t been kissed, nothing in years, with seemingly nothing in site to come, at least from my hometown. Okay, I admit that maybe one short tryst was granted access back in April, but even then, it’s nearly been a YEAR from that point, and two Junes ago before that. However, I remember it did not satisfy me. I need to pick up a new hobby so the one I think about nowadays does not constantly consume my mind. How many hobbies do I need to pick up? I have more than enough, honestly. Just ask anyone that knows me how many things I can MOTHER FUCKING do!
Someone knocks on the door to my place. I had just finally moved into a house after being in a small dinky apartment for years. The last thing I have left to achieve is being able to share my happiness with who I want to spend the rest of my life with. They always say everything will fall into place. Perhaps, I never found someone before because I didn’t have my priorities in order. Now with everything aligning once again, maybe I can finally relax with the person I have been longing for. We both had to have our priorities straight before we could spend our time together.
I open the door and there he is.
“You drove 8 to 9 hours to see me?” I pulled him inside and we give each other a great big hug, finally meeting each other for the first time in person after seeing each other lots of times on video chat. “People 15 minutes away won’t come to fucking see me.”
I used to be scared at how awkward our first meeting would be, but it’s not awkward at all. He was like a long lost friend I haven’t seen in a while and we’re catching up. I’ve met people from online before locally and it wasn’t awkward. The only difference now is this man came from a zillion miles away.
“I did, and you’re worth it and they’re stupid to not want to see you,” he looks into my eyes and plays with strands of my hair.
“And you were about to give up on me, what made you change your mind to try?”
“I just had this hunch. I was being stupid to think this wouldn’t work just because of a few states between us,” he says.
We are the same height and same size, maybe he’s an inch taller. I love that I don’t have to stand on my tippy toes to look into his eyes nor to kiss him. It’s like he’s perfect for me. I used to think I had to settle for someone tall because at the time, that person was the only one I could find who was decent enough. I say to myself, I can find someone around my height if I try. I don’t need to be miserable accepting someone really tall when I’m short stuff.
I’m amazed he came all this way and I’m playing with his face like he came out of the computer screen and teleported here.
“You look so much better in person,” he’s checking me out.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I jokingly give him a hard time.
“I must correct myself. You look even more beautiful in person,” he states.
“Well, the camera and computer does add ten pounds to someone,” I laugh.
I can’t believe he’s finally here after so many months of longing for him, and so many months thinking this wasn’t worth the wait but it was. It so was.
The alarm sounds. Is it time to wake up already? I am sulking and climb out of bed ready to start the day.
My roommate Eric is sitting at the kitchen table eating cereal and looks at me as I come out of my room looking miserable as fuck.
“What the hell?” Eric looks like he wants to throw that carton of milk at me that’s next to his cereal bowl for looking so depressed all the time. “Stop doing this to yourself.”
“I know, I know. I can’t help it sometimes. I want it to work so badly with Travis but I don’t know how it will when he’s all the way over there and I’m all the way over here.”
“Maybe you should just give up and find someone else here,” Eric says.
“Well thanks a lot for the words of encouragement,” I say to him.
“Look, I know you really do like Travis and I wish it would work out with you two. I’m just trying to be realistic here.”
“Have you seen the jank men in our city?”
“Yes, and you’ll find a diamond in the rough if you try,” Eric insists.
Today, I just got the weirdest phone call. I have bizarre things happening in my life, I swear it! I literally haven’t talked to Charley [Indiana] since last December even though I had tried texting him over a month ago but he didn’t answer so I said, “Screw it.” We were in the middle of a conversation after just having seen each other in December and he vanished, didn’t respond to me anymore the day after we saw each other in person. I didn’t know if he died in a freak accident or whether he was still alive or not. . .
Instead of being rude to him about not answering me, I just kept texting him things to encourage him to become better and to find a better job than where we met and to be good to his kids which I said he is a great father, I know it. I said to him I see he has a life with someone else already and I knew nothing was ever going to happen anyway so I don’t know why his fucking wife is calling me when I haven’t talked to/seen him since forever and nothing happened with us, just talking. I was unsure of their status together. I wasn’t sure if they’re still married or just talking for the kids, but I was very careful about not having anything happen, especially when I saw him in person last year.
I am not a home wrecker. I just have the worst luck ever liking people who are already taken in Indiana no matter what age they are. Charley is five years younger than me and already has a life with someone. I feel like most people from Indiana are with someone already no matter who it is. If they’re not taken in Indiana, they’re gay and/or closeted.
Charley tried to be friends with me and I think he does want to be my friend, that’s why he wanted me to hang out with him at work last year after not having seen each other in months, but it’s just too weird and awkward after all the things I have said to him, nice things, but still awkward. . .I was shocked he called me himself from his own phone a few weeks ago out of the blue when I couldn’t pick up. So why is his wife calling me?!
Today, someone from his family called. His wife. This number wasn’t in my phone and I’m thinking why would someone call me at 8:30 P.M. from where Charley lives? He lives 40 minutes away The number looked like Charley’s but the last four digits were different from his so I figured it was someone he knew so I texted him.
Who is this calling me from your family? Some woman just called me asking for me and I hung up because I wasn’t going to deal with it since I haven’t even seen Charley since last year and nothing happened when we saw each other.
He finally texted back saying it was his wife. I’m like, “O.M.G. why the hell is she calling me when I pretty much told you I knew you have a life with someone else and we were never meant for each other?” I told Charley I’m really into someone else now not in our state and hoping things will work out with my long distance interest. I just said I hope Charley is doing well since I KNEW he was reading my text messages and he was getting them, why didn’t he freaking respond or maybe he just didn’t know how to respond to them? Maybe she’s thinking it’s the woman being nice to her husband that she has to watch out for. Lady, I’m not a home wrecker. If I know someone is taken, especially with children, I try to get over it. I don’t want someone who has children already: for this reason so I don’t have to deal with you, Lady, when you guys break up and still have to keep in touch for the children. I am into someone who does not have any children with someone else.
Don’t worry Lady, Charley is all yours. And you’re obviously not making him happy if he has to call me sometimes so you guys should work it out. I don’t have any ill feelings toward him anymore. I just wished him the best in life and that I’m glad we got to be friends for a little bit, but it’s time for me to move on from boys in Indiana. I don’t think Charley is going to call me anymore after I told him I felt too weird being his friend after everything we talked about. I was literally shocked he still has my number in his phone. Sometimes he would call me after a few weeks or a month or two has passed ever so randomly.
More than ever, I pray with everything in me that my long distance thing will work itself out when the time comes. Baby steps.
Fun Fact #6: I’ve never really created one of these, but I thought I should for fun.
*Publish a best seller novel and/or short story collection
*Travel to every place we have ever wanted to go
*Get hired in permanently at a full time job that I like and not settling for jobs I don’t like just to have a job. [That can make someone so miserable if you just stick to a job because you think you can’t find something you like, and I’m not going to be that way]
*Buy a good car that’s going to last me for a long, long, long time
*Get my nice own place with no roommates: doesn’t matter if it’s a house or apartment, as long as I am the only one living there and can have guests over
*Fall ridiculously in love with someone who loves me back equally the same – and we do something about it and not give up on it just because things may seem hopeless at the moment
*Be in a healthy relationship with someone who appreciates me and I appreciate him, not a toxic one
*Hoping to have a real valentine for once, and not just friend valentines
*Have one full year without having to deal with people’s pointless drama that I really couldn’t care less about
My Journey to Something New
I have never been in a true long distance relationship. Michigan to Indiana isn’t too far. I can be in Michigan in an instant. I was just in Kalamazoo not too long ago for a video shoot. I won’t count visiting someone in Michigan years ago, especially since we occasionally visit Michigan here and there. I’m talking states down, states further away. I’ve visited friends whenever they moved to a different state, but we weren’t dating, just friends visiting each other. I haven’t actually ever really wanted a life with someone who lives far away until now. How do people do it? How do they do it? People ask me how I do something like this, that they could never do something like that. I didn’t think I could, either. In fact, whenever I would meet previous Internet friends I still keep in touch with who were interested in me as more, I always said I just only wanted to be friends because I would prefer it if I didn’t do long distance, especially since I am on a budget right now trying to save for a car. With the right person, I can.
For now, all we can be is good friends getting to know each other better each day. I used to think I couldn’t ever feel real ridiculous “like” for someone over the computer I haven’t physically met in person, that they would mainly be Internet friends who have fun talking to each other from time to time, until I started video chatting. I know someone from my high school graduating class and she is in a long distance engagement I think. They’ve been dating for years and are now getting married soon. I’m not that close of friends with her anymore, don’t think I ever was, but her getting engaged to someone in Denver while we are here in Indiana gives me hope for my situation. I wish my interest won’t give up and I think my interest is a little closer [still far, but closer] than Colorado to Indiana. My heart belongs to him down south, a southern boy.
I know these things take time, but I have a good feeling that if we hung out once in person we’d know what we’d ultimately want from each other. I know it’s kind of pointless to make our relationship official right now when we can’t even meet at this point. However, in my heart, I just know. There have been other men to try to talk to me: in my hometown, and in other states that I am not particularly interested in having a relationship with because I am determined to beat all odds this time. I don’t want to give up on this the way I gave up on my last Indiana hope before I climb mountains for my man.
I’m just so afraid you’ll meet someone before both of our schedules are free to see each other. I’m so afraid and I don’t want that to happen because if you meet someone from your hometown, then I can’t talk to you anymore. I know I told you I won’t be talking to anyone else any time soon in that way. I ended things finally with my last Indiana boy and told Charley he can’t keep playing around with me when I’m trying to have a relationship. I won’t ever forget Charley. He was a truly big inspiration in my life working 12 hours a day, going to college and taking care of his two kids at 21-years-old. He also learned the lessons I taught him in life to become a better person. His friends before he met me, I have a feeling didn’t tell him to grow up even though he is 21 with two children. Since he met me, he became more mature. I won’t forget him for that reason that a man from my hometown finally listened to what I was trying to say, it’s just that he has a life with someone else already and Charley needs to stick with it. I’m ready to begin my journey to something new and unknown.