Home » Articles posted by Francesca

Author Archives: Francesca

Confused.

I’m really confused.  Some LFADummies bullied me off their dumb forum because they didn’t want to read my blog posts over there so I decided to blog my insights back here.  They whine and whine about my blogs taking up their blog space over there but they continue to stalk my blog here.  Last time I checked this is my site and I’m gonna say what I want so if you don’t want to be talked about on my blog, then I highly suggest you apologize to me for what you did.  You are rightfully bashed and rightfully gossiped about.  You aren’t even bashed.  I’m just telling it how it happened.  If you don’t like the way you’re being talked about then I suggest some of you LFADummies get an attitude check.  I see you attacked another member there today who has experienced something similar that I did.  In regards to Methos posting, I believe that woman does have some sort of more than friends feelings for him.  People wouldn’t go out of their way to meet long distance at least three times as only friends, unless they are family friends, etc.  She probably just doesn’t want to be in a long distance relationship.

What I find funny is that some LFADummies want to come off like they know everything and then when someone posts over there about how people view their relationship, they say they don’t know what goes on in people’s relationships.  So which one is it?  You either know everything or you don’t.  They thought they could judge my relationship and claim to know exactly what my guy is thinking but then when others posted they’re like how should they know?  You’re actually way off the mark with what my guy has thought about me.  He has actually shown clear signs he is interested in me just not interested in a long distance.  After all that I said to him he still came back a couple of times to kind of talk.

Ugh, really wish that place wasn’t one of the main places to talk about long distance things and that the long distance tag here people would post more stories.

Restless Adventures (The Ghost Family)

Restless Adventures (The Ghost Family)

Prologue

Jade realizes that she’s never going to have the dream wedding she’s always wanted with the man of her dreams.  It’s just not in it for her no matter how kind and caring she is.  The stars just don’t want to do anything for her.  She tries to find ways to cope with this reality and starts writing about what her would have been family would be like.

“No pills, no meds,” Jade says to her best friend Darcy.

“Writing is my medicine.  I don’t need antidepressants,” Jade explains when Darcy suggests Jade signs up for some medication.

“We don’t need men.  I have my children and my best friend,” Darcy says.

“I don’t even have children.  I just have my dog and I sometimes hold her like she is a baby.  If I had children maybe I’d have something to take my time up with, but I don’t want to have children without a good role model father so no children for me,” Jade sighs.

So much wasted potential.  Just so much!  Instead all my enemies get blessed – every last one of those bastards.

If Jade could not be with her man from far away, she’d rather have no one.

“There are so many guys here who would date you.  Find someone in town,” Darcy says.

“I don’t feel that any of them are my life long partner so I don’t bother,” Jade says.

Those men just don’t get Jade the way Travis gets her – it’s just that he’s too far away.

Is he going to let the love of his life stay locked in her room forever writing about their fantasy family?  Or is he going to do something about it?  He knows there is no one else for him in Tennessee, either the way there is no one else in Indiana for Jade.

Guiltless Minds

On another car ride, I told Doretta how I cursed God the other day.  She believes in Him and even prays before meals so I know she would say something to me about it.  I said, “If He exists, why is He having me suffer watching everyone I hate have what I ultimately desire?  And they show no remorse for treating me like crap and do NOT deserve happy love?  How can I move on with my life when none of the people who said bad things about me for no good reason don’t know what it’s like what they did to me?”

She replies, “It’s because you are focusing too much on them and not on yourself.  You don’t get your karma when you want it, but when He thinks you are ready.  Finish writing your book, then you will get your blessings and justice and then they will get their judgement days.”

“I sure hope so, Doretta.  I sure hope so.  Those people need to know how their actions affect others.  They don’t get to sit there and be happy they just got proposed to when they say bad things about people they don’t know and pick on people who’s lives aren’t going well.  You would think that they would be a little nicer considering they’re on antidepressants and know what it’s like to have a crappy life, so WHY on EARTH would they harass someone who also has a crappy life?”

I’m a lot stronger than those weaklings.  They have the long distance relationship they want and they still have to take medication.  My long distance isn’t working out and I’m not on any meds and they dare think they can judge me for acting mental when it’s really them.

People are such douche bags.  And the worst part of it all, some of the LFADummies sit there acting smug like they know they aren’t going to suffer for how they treat people.  They rub it in my face that nothing is going to happen to them.  Look at the way silvermoonfairy posts over there – she has an arrogance about her.  Even when she asked for book recommendations, she said it in a spiteful way with an undertone.

Some of the LFADummies even have the audacity to lurk my blog.  I asked the LFADummy administrator, “What are you looking for when you’re all nosy in my blog?  It’s not like you’re gonna apologize for what you did to me so why are you at my page?  I really wish your community wasn’t the only one that actively talks about long distance things, otherwise I’d have no reason to go to your site.”

Of course, the coward did not respond.  Michelle still sits there maintaining her site and her site keeps growing.  I signed up there hoping to read long distance stories about people who let go for now but they came back together a while later without any complications.  One story I read a long distance couple got a second chance, but after they both divorced and had children with other people.  I really don’t want that to happen to me and my love, especially when I know we’re going to be together in the end anyway.  I don’t want to have a reminder staring at a would-be child he might make with someone else when he gave up one me but then realize it IS me.

“Did you message your guy over the weekend?”

I always crack her up with my texts I send to my Tennessee Boy.

“Yes, I cussed him out as usual and also as usual I get no response.  I said he needs to give me the D some time soon. I swear I can’t take it anymore.  I don’t just want any D I want HIS D.  When I go visit him, we’re going to do it out on the front lawn for all of his neighbors to see, including his dad.  They’d be cheering us on,” I scream.

“Wow…you would do something like that.  You are crazy.  Get out of here with that,” she laughs.

Anyway, the LFADummies who harassed me can live it up while they can.  I’ve been getting my justice lately finally with things and soon it will be their turn.

 

Not Fate

Not that my life could get any worse, but yesterday, when I was by myself, I cursed God for about half an hour saying He doesn’t exist and screw HIM.  If He truly did exist, He wouldn’t bless people who don’t deserve to be blessed and He wouldn’t allow good people who have worked hard all their lives to suffer alone.  It should be the other way around if God really did exist.  It really did feel good.  I try to be open thinking there is some type of God/faith out there, but every time I have prayed, especially really hard, my prayers have never been answered.  There has only been one time where things went effortlessly my way without a peep [ONE out of how many things I have wished for], but everything else, I’ve had to work ten times ten times to get things to be the way I want, and it’s still not the way I want.  Just when I get my life back on track, something bad always happens a month or two later.  It’s an endless roller coaster and I can rarely relax.

God did not help me get through my battles. I and my support did.  MY MOTIVATION DID.  HE did nothing for me.  I will [I don't know what I will do] if I become homeless after all that I have accomplished with my life and I’m making sure I never have to go that path.

People and friends always tell me, “No one else I know has your kahunas to do what you do in your situations.  Honestly, we’d give up if it was us.”

Whenever a friend of mine who is into God tries to sit with me saying He has a plan for me, I stay quiet and listen.  What is His plan for me – to work $9 / hr for the rest of my life?  A co-worker I am on good terms with is in her sixties and she said she was working at $8.50 for three years.  She should be retired in her 60s.  Is that going to be me, too?  Is that my path?

As soon as I got settled into this new job, that one girl with the door drama just came at me out of nowhere: like I say — things always come up as SOON as I get comfortable.  This time, I handled it much better than my previous jobs.  I reported her and she got a good scare to not start crap with people at work.  She avoids me now and my job rocks!  My Team Lead and boss all support me in this.  I did right in not saying something directly to her and reported her instead.

The other day, she whispered under her breath, “Don’t act like I gotta hold open the door for you now.”  I was walking behind her to get in.  I had my card ready, never asked her to hold the door for me.

I said to myself, “Okay, bish.  You asked for it.  Wanna have some smart alec comment to say every time you see me?  I’ll report you for harassment.  It’s not even that serious.  I’m not the door keeper.”  I wish I could have seen her face when the boss talked to her the next morning.  I saw her cussing on her phone in the parking lot – how unprofessional.  She brought it upon herself.

The Team Lead said, “Boss talked to her and she won’t harass you no more.”

Thank goodness finally some justice around here.

I think that girl is scared of me now — good — she should be.  She messed with the wrong person and should have minded her own business in the first place.  I don’t even know her name and that was the first time I ever saw her come at me out of nowhere that I noticed her, LOL.

Screaming.

I thought Tennessee Boy was the guy who came into my life to show me why it never worked with anyone else before him.  Guess he’s all like the others from the past.  I’m not meant to be in a relationship.  I’m meant to be single for the rest of my life.  Then again, I see how so many people settle just to be in relationships and how unhappy they are and they can’t get out of it easily so it’s best off I’m by myself.  Why do I want children?  I have to schedule my life around them and pay for their schooling, college.  I can’t do what I want.  I can’t travel, have to find a baby sitter.  And I really don’t trust a lot of people around the children I would have had.  It’s best I don’t have children who would learn my definition of morals and loyalty.  It’s okay.  I don’t need my own family.  I have myself.  That’s all I need:  and my good friends.

When I first started writing this novel, I started with a purpose: to get a reaction out of The One.  I used to write the book because it is to The One in Tennessee.  Now I write just to get all my thoughts out there about everything.  This was the main purpose of the book for him to see what he is missing out on.  Today I texted him not to message me anymore if he ever reads my book when it becomes live but it’s not like he was talking to me anyway and I don’t even know if he still goes to my blog after he deleted me off Twitter a long time ago.  I told him I don’t care anymore to meet him pretty much.  I have a feeling after I told him not to message me anymore he deleted my number.  How do guys do it?  How do you just stop talking to someone out of the blue for no good reason after you were so into them the day before?  Whether they are near or far, if I am really into a person I can’t just vanish like that.

My love gives me the biggest headache.  I can’t do it anymore. So if any of the previous dudes who were hitting on me before while I was still trying to talk to my long distance interest — feel free to pursue me again, because it’s not like you care how I feel anyway that I want no one if I can’t have The One I want.  [This is to the people who disrespected me that I didn't want anyone else at the time and I still don't want anyone else.]

Times like this makes me not believe in God, especially when I see all the horrible people who double crossed me who get to be engaged and married to who they want and they have done absolutely NOTHING to deserve that kind of happy love for treating others so badly.

Beautiful Reflections

Whenever I get ready for the day, I take a few minutes to stare at myself.  If it’s one thing that people like about me: it’s that I have a lot of confidence in my appearance whether or not I want to dress well or dress sloppy I rock both styles.  Guess that’s why some people hate me for no reason because I know I got it and I don’t let men treat me like shit and think they can do me the way they do, especially ones near by when they didn’t deserve a chance from me in the first place.

I look at the mirror and say, “Baby, you don’t want to work this long distance out even though if you saw me in person once you’d want me forever…”

I play with my long, shiny black hair saying, “You don’t want this?  Oh, you want me you just don’t want a long distance.  This isn’t worth the travel or the hassle?  When I saw you on cam, it is to me.”

I stare at my curves thinking about the things some friends have said to me, “Dang girl, you got a nice body.  Why do you hide it?”

I took off my jacket one time and my woman best friend was just looking at my figure saying, “Wow, I never realized how in shape you were because you always wear baggy clothes and stuff.”

My girl friends and guy friends all gawk at me, I just laugh.

“I don’t want to be noticed by just anyone.  I don’t like the attention I receive from dressing up,” I explain.

I know I’m too far.  I keep trying to tell my love he’d love what he sees in person.

Sometimes I want to give up, truly, I do, but my heart won’t let me.  I keep picking up new projects to distract myself with from messaging him.  I’ve been more motivated to finishing writing my book.

And Hot or Not rated this a 4.36. Hot or Not can kiss my ass.  Just because they rate most women on there 3, 4, and 5, doesn’t mean I have to put up with it because it happens to most people.

Why I do what I do.

Sometimes people often ask me why do I sound so depressing, angry, upset all the time.  People won’t want to read about negative things all the time.  For me, you don’t just ignore the bad traits and the bad things people do.  That’s not how I roll, especially when their bad traits outweigh their good traits.  It’s not solving anything to “ignore” the bad things.  They should either apologize for what they do, or have never done those bad things in the first place.  People think I should “ignore” the bad things people do and get on with life since I can’t do anything to change it.  I feel like if I mention these things that people do enough, hopefully someone will address the issues to them since the bad people don’t seem to want to listen when I have something to say about those people.  Life isn’t always good all the time so I think it’s only fair that the bad things that happen should also get an equal say.  If someone’s not being wronged, they’re doing the wrong, or they’re in a third category with me — trying to live their own lives without betraying anyone.

I don’t want to be a good person anymore.

Some people have showed me that they do not deserve their happy relationships: near or far, yet they seem to get it.  I sometimes wonder why life does this to people: it leaves some good people behind while it rewards selfish, cowardly people.  Sometimes, I wish the people who picked on me were the ones sitting here not being able to be with the person they want to be with.  They deserve to be in my shoes – instead it’s me. They deserve to endure everything alone — NOT me.  Instead one of the people who made up rumors about me just got proposed to a few weeks ago in a long distance.  Does her soon-to-be husband know how she acts on the Internet?  If so, why would he still want to be with a person like that?  Michelle’s site keeps growing without anyone knowing over there what she and some of her members did to me, and I still keep sitting here with hardly anything going my way.  Sometimes I feel like I don’t want to be a good person anymore.  However, being a bad person is not who I am and I’m not going to be something I’m not.

It doesn’t pay off being a good person.  It really doesn’t.  It’s like you have to be sleazy in this world.  Not a whole lot of people will listen to what you have to say if you are a nice person.  Instead people are fake.  The good people are the ones who get crapped on the most.  Yes there are genuinely good people who are in good relationships that they deserve but not enough are genuine good people.  Look what kind of person just got famous in the past week: a woman who added a third boob as opposed to us writers who have to work hard for our fame and we still don’t get noticed.

Speechless

So not only does my best friend’s 19-year-old daughter think she did nothing wrong to deserve to be kicked out of the house, she still badmouths her mom (and probably me). It was hilarious. When I was over last weekend, Spoiled actually mowed the back yard. She’s so lazy I’m surprised she even did that. It’s probably because I was there and she was putting up a front with me because she knows the minute she wants to start cussing at me I’ll put her in her place. I was about to say if she let me mow the backyard (I offered it and I don’t even live there), she’s really tripping on some meds.

My guy is 20-years-old (only a little over a year older than my best friend’s daughter) and if he was acting anything like Spoiled, I wouldn’t be interested in him at all. He graduated high school and is getting his college degree while he is working. He’s not like most people his generation: they think they’re entitled.

Here’s what Doretta’s daughter did (and the oldest daughter thinks she didn’t do anything wrong) –

**the 19-year-old stole her youngest sister’s piggy bank (her 15-year-old sister’s piggy bank) She also steals her youngest sister’s clothes.

**her mother took the blame for her daughter’s troubles and was on house arrest even though my friend didn’t do anything wrong. my friend is earning all that hard money to pay off court fees from the two older daughters troubles and they still cuss at her

**had a boy on her mom’s $1,000 mattress when Mom wasn’t home just because they “didn’t” do anything the daughter thinks she didn’t do anything wrong

**when her mom invites her back into the house for one day she has all this company over when her mom told her she doesn’t want anyone at the house she brought a baby, this other girl and her other friends over acting like it was her house — doesn’t pay any bills at all

**doesn’t want to work, doesn’t want to graduate high school just wants to get high and have sex all day living better than the person who is paying for her to have the good life

**she can’t even walk to the store that’s right down the street to get herself a pop — they actually asked me if I could stop by the store on the way back to buy them a pop even though it’s literally a block away on foot.

How can someone be so freaking lazy? I refuse to waste my gas for that kind of person. Bet if she wants to act up in front of me she’ll get a mouthful on how she truly is. How could someone be so low to steal her little sister’s piggy bank? That’s just sleazy beyond sleazy. My best friend is nothing like her oldest daughter.

They’ve Fallen Back!

I remember when I first signed onto Word Press, a couple of Xangans thought they were so tough shit in threatening to continue the Xanga drama onto Word Press. Now I see Dougie Fresh has deleted his Word Press:  Ghillies-guide or ghillies_guide, either way the blogs don’t exist anymore, LOL.  That’s what you get for wanting to talk smack about me!  He literally just came at me out of nowhere one day with a bunch of other minions trashing me on Datingish calling me a “stuck up slut” blah blah blah for absolutely no reason.  He thought he could judge me when the idiot married the same woman twice and got divorced twice by the same woman.  If that isn’t pathetic then I don’t know what is and he thought he could judge MY dating life.  And now those bugs are nowhere to be heard.  There are some cool Xangans though who I still keep in touch with.

I hear one Xangan who thought she knew me (I have not spoken one word to her until the day she came at me out of nowhere) still rants about how “depressed” her life is even though she has a significant other to share all her troubles with and yet she acts like a total victim.  It’s pathetic how spoiled she is and she rants about being “depressed.”  Really, bitch.  Try living a life with no significant other and conquering all your problems on your own and I don’t act as victimized as you do.  Then she proceeds to claim how people target her even though she has done the same to others.  When it’s being done to her she doesn’t like it but when she does it to people it’s “okay.”  Can’t believe how many people suck up to this pathetic woman.

If I were her “friend” hearing her rant about how much her life “sucks” even though she has a great husband, great house, etc., I’d tell her to shut the hell up, honestly and count her lucky stars for what she does have.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 480 other followers