Bahahaha, Shrek

This is totally cracking me up.  I had found another writing forum that is run by real administrators instead of Amazon bots and I can finally have proper writing discussions.  I recently started a thread asking about Disney and other big name company copyright laws.  I know Disney is anal about letting people even describe Disney World in their stories.  I wanted to say one of the characters in my stories reminds me of looking like Shrek and I wanted to make sure it was okay to mention someone looking like Shrek.  I’m laughing so hard because we’re having an extensive discussion about Shrek.

I’ve decided to be on the safe side, I tried to search for other replacement words.  I didn’t want to call the character a troll and I thought hey, Shrek is an ogre so I can say the character looks like an ogre without mentioning other people’s character ideas that already exist.

I Can’t Turn Back Now!

Sometimes I’ll have doubts on publishing my revenge book, but I’ve put in a lot of efforts already writing it.  I can’t have a soft heart now and not publicly shame those people.  After all, they deserve it!  Plus, I have to remind myself nothing ever happens to these bad people anyway.  They always get away with what they do and this won’t affect their image at all.  I keep replaying over and over the rude ass things these MFers said to and about me to keep me continuing to want to publish my revenge book.  I remembered that I had informed some people at the Amazon forums I was going to expose people for what they really are and other people still felt the need to attack me and harass me when they’re going to get outted, too, in the process.

Why would someone still continue to prod someone who is going to expose people for their true colors, just to be a nuisance?  Those people are probably writing characters based off of me or what they think I am, too, behind my back.  I better not find any remnants of what they think my personality is in their books, or it’s really on.

Not only do those MFers say bad things about me and my writing, they purchase my book just to return it so it can say verified purchases in the reviews.

Thankful anyway.

Today I got into one of my good moods again believing he and I will be together.  There will be days where I think it’s never going to happen and then other days where I think we will find our way even if it isn’t happening right now.  It’s unfortunate that some people have decided not to support me in this, because I would have loved to share my experience with them that I never gave up on him even when the long distance seemed hopeless.  I’m not talking about my friends who don’t agree on me still trying to work things out with him, but more the people that didn’t understand the situation properly.  These people at the LDR forum called me immature, for not being able to handle him not talking to me anymore.  No, it’s called I don’t give up on The One I love and I work twenty times harder to make it happen.  I wouldn’t go this far to get a response from someone if I didn’t think it was worth it.

Obviously, they wouldn’t have done whatever it takes to get a response from someone far away they are with if their significant others decided to cold turkey stop talking to them.  Whenever I was able to get him to talk to me again, he always said if I had lived closer he would be with me and the way he says it makes me want to try my very best for that to happen.  It’s too bad I can’t share my joy with that site when he decides to come around in the future.  I don’t know when, but he’s got to because no sane guy would want to date me when all my books are about wanting to marry someone far away.

Guys will see the psycho insane side of me if they become disloyal to me.  If they treat me right and how they should, then there will be none of that nonsense.

I get annoyed when guys still try to hook up with me or talk to me when my whole site is dedicated to one man I love.

Disposable Marriages

I can’t count on my fingers how many people treat marriage as if it’s something to throw away, as if it’s like a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.  One of my Facebook friends I met through my friend Mandy who passed away, he is married to a girl and they have a baby together.  This was in march that they were still together.  I thought good for him that he got out of a bad place, has a family now.  I always saw how proud he was posting about K and their child.  Now I see that woman, K still has his last name and she is listed in a relationship with someone else.  She already had kids before with someone else and once again breaks up after that new baby was born with the friend I know.  Does she ever think how this affects the children?  I’m sure the guy friend I knew through Mandy wasn’t that terrible to divorce.  I don’t know if it was her or him, but if they were married, it should have been, neither.

It’s as if once there are problems in a marriage, instead of fixing it, they run away to someone else when the same problems are going to occur.

Another woman named Amanda always cheats on everyone she ever dates.  Amanda is friends with Krista, I knew her from there, but I also knew of the other people she used to speak with.  This is a small town so I am connected to people somehow.  She cheated on Chad, a military man who was far away who is now dating Bre.  I met Bre before as Joe’s girlfriend when she used to date a classmate of mine.  Bre and Joe ended things properly or it just ended because it wasn’t working out for them and they weren’t married.

Anyway, back to Amanda, I thought she would have stopped cheating on people once she married Adam, but she still cheated on Adam regardless if she was married or not.  People like this make me sick how they are blessed with a union that should be sacred but they take it for granted while I would never laugh in the face of God when it comes to marriages.

I understand things don’t work out for some people so they end things, but once someone is married, it should be for life.  Problems are going to occur with any spouse so it’s best they choose one to work it out with.  I am SO tired of people taking marriage for granted when I never would, especially to my one far away.  Why isn’t God blessing me and my love from far away?  Ugh, we would take care of each other like people should in marriages.

The Storm.

I’ve never went out of my way to seek revenge, like have a devious plan and all.  If an opportunity presented itself to get back at someone that it got handed to me, I might take it depending on my mood, but I never took the time to actually do something and set something up until now.  I’ve sat back a lot of times and just let life take its course in kicking the rude people in the bums.  However, I’ve waited and waited for some people to get their karma and it seems like they never get it.  The more I checked up on said persons it was like she/they keep getting blessed it’s RIDICULOUS, as if they are immune to anything bad happening to them that they actually deserve.

I’m focusing on revenge a lot lately, because it’s time people get theirs.  If I had my long distance relationship working out, I wouldn’t give two craps about the people who did me dirty.  As life would have it, my LDR doesn’t want to work the relationship out right now and so I’m going to get something out of life if it’s not love from him, I’m going to get my vengeance.

Frankly, I can’t see my former friends being locked their rooms with no one to turn to for years upon years of silence.  Many people don’t like to be by themselves and have rarely anyone to talk to.  I’ve made myself accept it so I’m used to it to the point where the few friends I do have whenever they ask me to hang out, I don’t really feel like it sometimes because I’m so used to doing what I want.

I’ve decided I can’t be a homebody all the time and still need to keep in contact with civilization and appreciate those who reach out to me and take their time to see what’s been going on, and I catch up with the few friends I do have.  People disappoint me a lot and I’m tired of being disappointed which is why I have kept to myself many times and I have kept in touch with the right people.

Since it’s Thanksgiving vacation I’m going to say I’m thankful for the few people who actually get me and why I am the way I am and I don’t have to change.

Believe in the Mistletoe.

“Oh my, God!  I went two whole days without calling him, texting him, snap chatting him, nothing,” I excitedly tell my BFF while we are shopping.  This is a big accomplishment for me considering I always share every single thought with him that’s ever on my mind and I don’t hold back.  Why does this boy have to be hundreds of miles away from me?  I shouldn’t have to do all this to be with someone, but for him, I would.

“You’re lying.  See I told you to stop contacting him for a while a long time ago.  He might message you if you don’t contact him,” she laughs.

Doubtful.  I went two weeks cold turkey a while back without saying anything to him and he still didn’t message me back.  She says I need to wait longer.  If I hadn’t messaged him he’d be trying to really talk to some other girl.  He’s going to miss me I told him before I know he must miss me for calling me that one night a few weeks ago and sending me a cute pic, too.  That’s a lot coming from him after he didn’t respond to me for a long time.  I know he misses me I wish he would tell me his real feelings.

“I swear on everything I haven’t sent him anything in the past few days.  I used to blast his phone morning, noon, and night, then it went down to three messages at night, then to one message, now none at all.  I really wish he would meet me because I want to ask him in person what was the look on his face every time I would send him these 40 fantasy texts a day, 20 calls a day,” I giggle.  I know this is not exactly funny right now, but hopefully in the future when we are together we can laugh at these bad times for us.  This question would only work in person.  I want to see the expression he makes.

“He was probably like: ‘This girl is really crazy.  Where did she go?  She hasn’t messaged me all day.  I know it’s not over. She’s going to pop up soon,'” my BFF imitates what she thinks he’s thinking.

I can’t stop laughing.

“I really want to know what his friends think if he’s with them when I message him.  I have a feeling he’s going to message me on Christmas.  He’s got to.  He’s gonna see a mistletoe and wish I was there underneath it to kiss me,” I dream.

“Aw.  Christmas, you really think so?  He will message you then.  His friends are probably like who is that texting/calling your phone all the time?  I sometimes turn my phone on silent so they might not hear it ringing,” she says.

“I don’t know, every time I have a master plan it never works the way I want.  I’m hoping if I completely stop contacting him until he says something on Christmas, hopefully he will.  He’s got to wish me a happy Christmas!  He wished me a happy birthday back in February,” I cross my fingers.

“Not Thanksgiving?”

“No, that’s too soon from everything.  I have to wait longer than that.  He’ll be spending it with his family I bet,” I predict.

“He can still message you, though,” she nods.

“Yeah, I know, but I’m not going to expect it on Thanksgiving,” I sigh.

My Doom

I was so bored and distracted today that I decided to organize all my short stories into the right category and added new links to the menu.  I just thought of five more book ideas for writing about my lost love.  What’s it gotta take to persuade someone to do a long distance relationship?  How many books do I have to write to reach that person?  My short stories used to affect him with ease and now they don’t phase him anymore.  It’s like he blocked out my words, our love.  If I can’t reach him through short stories anymore I don’t know why I think a novel would do the trick.

I’ve wrapped myself in this black hole with him I’m never going to get out of.  I mean, with always coming up with book ideas surrounding him, I’m truly never going to get out of it.  I have to know what it’s like to kiss him and touch him.  He can’t leave us like this never knowing what could have been.  All I have ever wanted in life was to know what it would be like to kiss and even be with someone I thought I could never, ever have.  It must be amazing for people to be married to the persons of their dreams.  I don’t have that kind of luck.

I made a true promise to myself and I’m going to stick to my self promise: to marry the man who is deeply affected by my writing about our romance.  Writing is a big part of me and if someone isn’t interested in my writings then that person isn’t for me.  There have been men to try to date me but they don’t really talk about and or do read/write and that’s subjects I talk about a lot so if it bores them, it’s definitely not going to work.  I mean, he used to be interested when he was really into checking my blog for updates.  Now, I don’t even know if he goes here anymore.  I have a feeling he doesn’t go to my page anymore.  It wasn’t just a story to him at the time.  It meant something to him in the past and there has ever only been one person to be so enchanted with my stories in such a way where it even blew my own mind how I could reach someone like that.

I feel like if he and I met in person, I know we would both have a great time and we can finally relax together stress free.

True Crime Extended Cover Progress

I showed my best friend today my cover for extensive True Crime book.  She loves my cover designs.  I told her it’s because I have a great inspiration.  I’ve had a couple of ideas in my head but decided to stick to the one I’ve got.  She said it was so cute what I had on there.  I won’t say what I have on the cover, but it is something heartbreaking and cute.  I also talk about revenge on it.  Normally, I try not to go out of my way to seek revenge, but this is RIDICULOUS how NOTHING ever happens to people who do me dirty and they ALL mostly get to move on with their lives without thinking back about what they did.  So my revenge is telling my story about what they did to me and how I cope with it, and to hopefully make a few bucks in the process.  After all, a former friend DOES owe me $300+ and this can be her way of paying me back: a public shaming.  I am crossing my fingers for my story to go viral so Tara and Rachel can’t ignore what they did to me any longer acting like it was no big deal, moving on with their PATHETIC lives leaving me with no apology, no nothing.

How is Tara going to call me up for a favor, says no one else is willing to give her the money (I think to myself I wonder why, but I give her the benefit of the doubt), she stops calling me, and doesn’t ask me to hang out anymore after I let her borrow my money.  This is a different former “friend” than Rachel.  Her name is Tara.  Ironic how Tara and Rachel still keep in touch, though.  Rachel hardly ever defends me from anyone.  She doesn’t say to Tara, “So when are you going to pay Jessica back her money?  You did borrow $400 and she doesn’t want your bed, she wants her money back.”  They hang out with each other acting like nothing happened with me.

Rachel’s ever only defended me TWICE from people and those were two times I expected her to say something to those guys making up crap about me.  Other than that, I can’t recall.  She shouldn’t have called herself a great friend of mine if she’s not willing to do what a BEST FRIEND should.

I never ask my friends for money.  I don’t know why they always ask me for money, at least the ones I used to hang out with.

Dealing with Trolls


Tell ‘em, OM.  Lol, you did it once again. Reminds me of my experience with a troll calling my father, and one of the trolls was someone I knew in real life. She told on me to my father and we’re both 28-years-old, like he’s not going to ground me for telling it like it is to her. Oh well, she’s getting her Karma and I’m getting my revenge by writing about what she did in my True Crime book.

Originally posted on HarsH ReaLiTy:

Two words get thrown around a ton on the internet and in real life these days. “Trolls” and “bullying” two things of which I have had my fair share of experience with. Often bloggers will preach to ignore them and they will go away. Or… you could use them as cannon fodder and blast their ignorance out into the internet. That sounds like a lot more fun to me.

I use blogger attacks on my website and on me personally as post ideas. It is amusing to me and I get a real kick out of it. Is it sometimes mean? Maybe, but I have never blogged about another blogger that didn’t draw first. And honestly they generally do it a ton of times such as my current troll that keeps churning out posts about me.

People may not get this but a bully and a troll do not have…

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Appreciating all the thoughts on my “Wall of Shame” idea, thanks OM, and others

So many people couldn’t care less how they present themselves, they still feel the need to say rude things to me anyway thinking there are no real consequences.  I’m glad many viewers, OM, and others are happy they are not on my Wall of Shame and intend to not be on it.  It’s like this one lady is just begging to be on it.  She used to follow me around on the forums, posting after me calling me a “whiny little girl who makes everything about herself.”  Then she kept saying condescending comments to anyone I was having a decent conversation with interjecting herself and saying something crass about me.  It’s like she doesn’t care I have a Wall of Shame.  She still does and says what she does, and even went so far as to review my first free published thing when she has no rights to when she would always complain about me talking about bullies so you know she’ll have a biased opinion of it.  And I also dislike that person saying I can’t handle criticism.  I thought I made myself very clear, why do people still continue to misinterpret my words?  I’m glad it’s not a lot of people, only a few trouble makers.  I can handle criticism just fine.  What I DON’T tolerate is people reporting my comments and getting my responses deleted then downvoting my comments and up voting their own comments on many spam accounts.  If you can’t handle the consequences for having an attitude, then think before you type/speak.

There’s a fine line between telling it like it is, and simply harassing someone.  She has gone beyond, “Telling it like it is.”  I hope she knows how lucky she is that I’m not going to put her name on there, but I do put her words and she knows what she says.  I mean how many times do I have to tell someone if they don’t like me and/or my writing I don’t care?  Keep your damn thoughts to yourself!  I also said I don’t really care if anyone listens to her gossip!  Congrats if she has people listening to her about me, not like I went out of my way to befriend those people.  She can help me weed out the fake people who are easily influenced by her words instead of checking things out for themselves on what really happened.

If you’re not going to let me speak on the forums under my own pen name, you aren’t allowed the same respect.  Now you know how it feels to be reported every three seconds and not being able to say anything.  You know perfectly well why your comments get deleted.