This is Unreal.

A while back, I had met a new friend from a catering event.  I forget what I called him in those posts, but I’ll just say Aaron for now.

Anyway, Aaron is this black guy I wasn’t attracted to at all.

When we hung out as friends last year, and he tried to hold my hand, I flinched away.  Pretty sure I made it very clear I wasn’t interested.

Just because it is my birthday tomorrow does not mean I want birthday sex from you.  How the hell are you going to try and say I should fuck you on my birthday while I am talking to you about a guy I am in love with and I can’t see because that guy is far away?

On top of that, you want me to hang out with you even though you told me to treat you to Applebee’s even though it is my birthday and shouldn’t it be the other way around?  I really don’t want to hang out with you period, especially after you said you wanted to take me to your place to hook up with me and I don’t do that with people I don’t like and I’m not attracted to in that way.

This is so frustrating.  I’m sick of this kind of degrading shit around my town.

I’m waiting one day for where I can hang out with the person I want to be with.  I don’t care how far away you are.  I’ll wait for you for when we can hang out more.  I don’t want these guys in my town.  I don’t.

What a dog!~

My Journey to You Chapter 8: Life

How can you “know” in less than a month and a half, in less than two weeks that you “love” someone or you get engaged with them after only a month of dating?

All I know is that you can’t fully know a person in one month to decide you want to be engaged to them already and I think people who do that in one month are either extremely desperate and/or pathetic.  You better be prepared to sign prenups if you want to get married in one month.  How do you think you make people feel who prepare a lifetime for marriage and you think you can decide in one month already, without even LIVING with the person!  People are with people for five years and they’re still not engaged.

I’m not talking about any of my friends who did this because it’s not as bad as some people I used to know who is engaged right now after only a month of dating.  If it’s a few months, sure, but when you don’t really have a basis to feel that way other than being wanted by someone and it plays mind tricks on you, you give marriage a bad name for those that get engaged into a mere few weeks/month of dating.

You don’t love someone after a week or two either, I don’t care how you think you feel you barely know someone in two weeks.

You don’t know how their habits are going to be until you get to live with them.

When I first started talking to the person I want to be with right now but can’t because of long distance, I like him a lot, but I never thought I loved him until we started talking more and more and it’s been more than a few weeks and more than a month.  I haven’t said this to him directly, either but I am in so much love with him, and hope I get to say it one day.  All of our conversations with each other makes me think so much about the future and I’ve never had that feeling before: about wanting to think about the future with someone.

I’ve even said to the person that I really like right now we both love talking to each other, but since it’s long distance and if we both decide we can’t wait and start talking to other people closer, then we can’t keep getting to know each other anymore and I don’t want that to happen.  I’m not looking to get married right off the bat.  I enjoy so much still getting to know him and talking to him, and when the time is right for that we can talk about that.  I don’t know if he’s worried that he thinks I want to be married soon since I’m 27 (28 tomorrow) and he’s only 19, but I’m not at all.  I just want to have something stable in my life because I’m sick of guys popping in and out of my life whenever they fucking please from my hometown.  I’d rather talk to him, knowing we’ll talk whenever we can every week long distance, than see someone who thinks he can show up into my life every other month.

We can’t get married right now anyway.  We don’t have reliable cars to drive 8-9 hours to see each other, but during this time, I’d still like to keep talking because I know it will be so wonderful if we ever meet.  I know if we keep going and don’t give up it could get to that point.  And I know it’s going to take a while, more than a few months, maybe even a year or two since I know he has to finish college, but just think of how great it would be when it finally does happen that it was worth the wait.

——————

I was “with” someone for five years just to keep me company, but I never felt like I wanted to marry him and I was glad he never asked.  He was such a child always asking me to pay for him and with him being older I thought he would have been far more accomplished than me, especially when he has an education degree from college he could have gotten a real teaching job instead of just substitute teaching.  I would have loved to get a teaching degree and I see people waste it when they have it.  I can’t get a teaching job with a General Studies degree because I didn’t know what exactly I wanted to do in college since I can do many things.  I know plenty of people who would have loved for me to be a teacher, but because I don’t have that damn teaching degree I can’t take teaching jobs and I love my new job I’m at right now.  I like my schedule and don’t have to wake up 6 A.M. every day.